(Q: Usually I manage to avoid psychological or physical
demands that are too taxing.)
Taking care of yourself sometimes means disappointing other
people’s expectations. This is a healthy thing that you should learn to
do with some delight. Your parents and teachers may have taught you too
well to do what is expected. Somewhere there is a balance, where your own
health and happiness counts for something. Remember that the ancient part
of you that is tied so intimately to your heart and immune system must be
taken care of and respected because without good health you will
accomplish little.

(Q: I always feel very inhibited when it comes to making
requests and demands for myself.)
Parents are often too effective in teaching their children not to
fuss. The problem is that everyone has his or her own deep needs that
must be honored or health will suffer. The rational decision to not make
a fuss is made by the new, verbal part of your brain. The problem is that
this overpowers and stifles the deeper, more ancient parts of your brain
that interact so strongly with your immune system, heart, etc. Too much
rational control can leave this ancient part of you raging or feeling
hopeless. The ultimate result is poor health.
Make an oath to stand up for your deep needs—not obnoxiously but
firmly and fairly. Yes you should be considerate of others, but why not
be at least equally considerate of yourself? Your immune system will
thank you!

(Q: I try for one or more aims which are very important to me.)
Having a purpose and meaning in your life is very important for the
emotional buzz that accompanies peak immune system function. The aims can
be simple, but they must be satisfying to you. Look at a beehive or
anthill sometime and you will see individuals with a purpose. Each bee or
ant is scurrying around doing its bit of what is needed for the whole
hive to thrive. We have that same instinct and we only have to find the
gap that we can fill. It probably won’t involve being rich or famous.
Give some serious THOUGHT to what you could do to change your life so
that it has meaning for you.

(Q: Amount of Joy from your love life)
The drive to mate and bond with a member of the opposite sex is an
urge with a long evolutionary history. Your immune system interacts
strongly when such needs are not met. If you have been avoiding
relationships because they are “too much trouble” you should consider the
importance of meeting such a basic need. This means being open but not
desperate for a relationship. If you are being made miserable by a former
relationship that doesn’t work, breaking away and opening yourself up to
other opportunities may be in order. The important thing is not to stay
permanently stuck in a relationship that is making you miserable. THINK
about what you should do, rehearse it in your mind, and then TRY it.

(Q: How intense are your feelings of hopelessness?)
The best antidote to hopelessness is an escape plan. Finding this
plan can be a lifetime career, but as long as you are working on it, life
has meaning. Circumstances that seem to be beyond your control usually
have a hidden key where changes in your own behavior can change the
situation. Next time you are feeling hopeless put all of your energy into
creatively THINKing of some kind of experimental change you can make
which might improve the situation. Visualize the change in your mind and,
if it has some chance of working, give it a TRY. If it fails, try to
LEARN from the failure so that the next experiment may work. This method
is extremely powerful and is behind all of the major scientific
discoveries of our age. Apply it to your life and you can beat
hopelessness.

(Q: How often do you get feelings of hopelessness?)
The meaning of life is in the living of it. When you satisfy your
basic instincts and needs you are rewarded with feelings of pleasure and
well being because that is evolution’s way of rewarding and encouraging
that behavior. Often feelings of hopelessness are a result of “thinking
too much”. If your logical mind tries to find a meaning in life, it will
probably be disappointed. By staying in the present, you can enjoy the
instinctive pleasures of just being alive. Fear, dread and regret are all
meaningless concepts in the present. Try to practice living in the
present as much as possible and use your ability to plan for the future
only to act decisively to make changes that will improve your future.

Q: After you have experienced pleasure do you often have
negative feelings such as guilt, bad conscience, depression or bodily
symptoms?)
Parental and school training often succeeds too well in teaching us
to be “good” boys and girls. Guilt is a useful way to teach people to
work hard and not do really bad things that could hurt others.
Unfortunately, some of us learn these lessons too well, so that even
innocent joys and pleasures are ruined by feelings of guilt. You deserve
and need pleasure in your life and should begin to consciously practice
enjoying pleasures without guilt. Think of an innocent pleasure that has
given you guilt in the past. Try to set up experiences for yourself where
you practice doing this thing without guilt. This time delight in your
naughtiness and enjoy the pleasure. Start with something easy and work up
to more difficult challenges. Try to break the guilt habit by
conditioning yourself with guilt-free pleasurable experiences. Remember
that pleasure is not just a luxury, but a necessity for good health.

(Q: Are you afraid of your own feelings of pleasure,
particularly in areas of great emotional importance such as love?)
Fear is one of the greatest enemies of joyful living. By blocking
your pleasure and giving you feelings of helplessness, fear can ruin your
health and shorten your life. Think of something pleasurable that fear
has kept you from doing and make a commitment today to push yourself
through the fear and do it. Pick something that is fairly easy, so that
you are certain of success. The feeling of overcoming fear will make you
stronger for attacking more difficult challenges in the future. Just as
you build up a muscle by lifting heavier and heavier weights, you can
become fearless by overcoming more and more difficult challenges. Learn
to think like a mountain climber and “feel the fear and do it anyway.”

I’m looking for a firefly
Someone to light up my life
Come through like a breath of fresh air
And make things right
A firefly that burns bright
Turns night into 16 hrs of sunlight
Makes me believe in life
Makes things right

Sometimes pain creeps in and settles in the corner
Like spider webs forgotten to be swept away
Diffuses tha foundation but makes it stronger
Sometimes it’s easier to forget the pain
Save it in my pocket for a rainy day
Penny for your thoughts because my thoughts are few and cheap
Tha pain takes over my ability to speak
Constant evolutionary pain,
So what am I to do?
But keep it locked away
Buried deep within where no one’s been
So deep I can’t get to it
Sometimes pain is the only thing I can feel
The only thing I can see
I never leave home without it
Love while I’m in it
And never wanna be far from it

[100] (Q: I am unable to change my relations with certain people
although the outcome is negative.)
Long-standing personal conflicts can have a negative effect on your
health. Though they may appear to be caused by other people, changes in
your own behavior can often correct the situation. The important trick is
that you must use creativity and trial and error experimentation to find
a behavior change that works. The simple act of TRYing to find a solution
to the problem changes your emotional reaction to it from an unhealthy
feeling of helplessness to a healthy feeling of engagement. As soon as
you begin taking action to try to discover a solution to a problem, your
health will benefit because of the emotional change of your new pro-
active attitude will energize your immune system.

“What do catwalk fashion models do? Nothing, not even smile. Sulk and smoke. Is that an image that ppl should be aspiring to? Barbie is a better role model.” ~ Martin J. Willett

Utopia of Fat
Here are some rewards and pleasures that would accompany a utopia of fat:
(Hillel Schwartz)
1. Dinners would be scrumptious, sociable, and warm.
2. Children would acquire no eating disorders because “feeding would be calm and loving, always sufficient, never forced.”
3. Fat people would love their bodies and “dress expressively.” Women, in particular, “would wear their weight with new conviction.”
4. “A fat society would be a comforting society, less harried, more caring.
5. A fat society would be less harshly competitive, less devouring.

Schwartz is one of the first, and certainly the most eloquent, to find in fat the emblem of Capitalism, a metaphor and index of our societies relation to consumption. We are all consumers, and the fat that we wear or the fat that we flee expresses a certain relation we have, as consumers, to the objects of our desire. Schwartz is one of those who has most carefully and thoroughly distinguished hunger from appetite. Hunger is a drive, a biological need motivated from within by the body’s lack of what it needs; appetite is a desire, stimulated by the attraction or seduction of things outside the self that provoke an interest or inclination to eat. One’s appetite can be stimulated, even if one is not hungry. Indeed, for some, that is the function of good cooking.
—————————————————-
Phobias
As a society, we are fat phobic. This means that all of us face or deal with fat phobia in one way or another. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself how many times you hear about Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig before the summer begins? When was the last time you saw a fat woman in a Calvin Klein fashion ad? What size person fits comfortably in an airline or movie theatre seat?
How fat phobic is our society?
It’s so bad that we have potato chips that actually include ingredients that our bodies cannot digest. This done in the name of labeling them “fat free” (and in case you missed it – that’s supposed to be a good thing and you are supposed to want to buy them). If that’s not enough, ask yourself what are the majority of images you do see and what is their message?
The growing number of facilities where people can “treat” their weight “problem”, coupled with the omnipresent image of the thin body, sends the message that fat is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.
On the other hand, fat oppression only affects a select group of people in our society. Fat oppression is spawned out of people’s fear of fat. It manifests when a fat woman is not hired or promoted because of her size; when people feel it’s okay to comment on what a fat person orders in a restaurant; when the representations of fat women in movies reinforce the stereotypes of fat women as domineering mothers, whores, psychopaths, or the unattractive-but-funny best friend (Rosie O’Donnell or Kathy Bates); when a personal ad qualifies its respondents by saying “no fatties please”; when a clothing store only carries women’s sizes up to a 12 (I hate that); when a fat kid is teased or ridiculed by classmates; when only one state in the U.S. makes it illegal to discriminate based on size (Michigan); or when no one objects when the media becomes fascinated with how large or small Oprah Winfrey, Rosanne Barr, or Elizabeth Taylor have become. All of this is a form of oppression, but not everyone suffers from this oppression – only fat people and in particular, fat women.
Fat phobia and fat oppression are clearly different from each other. They are also connected in a very important way. Phobia makes oppression possible. The way in which our society is constructed, makes our fat phobia invisible, hence fat oppression is still one of the remaining legitimate, acceptable, and legal forms of discrimination.
*Discrimination Case*
———————————————————
The Curse of Eve Myth
Appropriately enough, a magazine survey found that a majority of women were ashamed of their stomachs, hips and thighs – parts of the body that contribute to female shapes. Roberta Seid wrote, “Our female ideal violates the natural anthropomorphic reality of the average female body… is more like the body of a male than a female. The goal is to suppress female secondary sexual characteristics”. This goal is in keeping with our culture’s “curse of Eve” myth.
In light of this extreme sexual pessimism it is perhaps ironic that men, who have controlled the means of representing women in art throughout history, have so focused on the female form: the flesh, the body. The fashion industry has always been dictated by men, which has often meant beauty norms that immobilize women such as corsets, foot binding, and modern thinness. Several have also noted the 20th century’s extreme interest in the nude female form in fashion as well as in the media. Roberta Seid points out that, fashionably garbed, a woman “virtually became wholly exposed.” Hence clothing is no longer enough; a woman must manipulate her very being to be fashionable nowadays. The representation of women in the media has become increasingly pornographic. Such pornographic images are usually of curvaceous, voluptuous women. But beneath the seeming implication that sexuality is becoming more socially acceptable is an uncomfortable double bind: “the “fat” pornographic images present a female body without a mind, without subjectivity. The fashion models in women’s magazines are meant to represent women with minds to acknowledge and appeal to female objectivity, but they have no bodies”. Women who have noticeably female bodies become objects in cultural consciousness. They are reduced to sex and sex alone, and are not allowed any sense of physio-spiritual integrity. If a woman wants to be taken seriously, she cannot be a sexual being and so, cannot be “fat”.
——————————————————-
Can you be big and healthy?
It would probably surprise most people to hear that there is a great deal of debate among researchers regarding this contention. Will weight loss improve your health? The jury is still out, but here are two conclusions from a 1992 National institutes of Health conference on obesity: Although there seems to be little doubt that overweight individuals have increased risk for morbidity and mortality, it does not immediately follow that weight loss reduces the increased risk [Some studies indicate that intentional weight loss (rather than weight lost due to illness) is associated with increased mortality]. Given the high likelihood that weight will be regained, it remains to be determined whether these time-limited improvements confer more permanent health benefits.
The issue of fat and health is a complex one, with many factors to consider. Medical research has raised more questions than it has answered. It seems that, while there are health risks associated with being fat, there are also some health benefits. It may be healthier to remain at a stable high weight than to yo-yo diet.
Given that permanent weight loss is elusive for most fat people, the issue of fat and health is irrelevant. The only true option available is to be as healthy as you can, regardless of your weight. (Often times the health issue serves as a smoke screen to justify denying fat people their civil rights. The assumption that fat people are unhealthy is often used to defend discrimination in employment, educational opportunities, housing, and adoption privileges. Health issues should never supersede one’s civil rights.)

Dave Alexander, who stands 5-foot-8, weighs 250 pounds and has completed 264 triathlons and a professor who also is clinically obese but runs 35 miles a week. The professor has studied some 25,000 people since 1970 and says that fat men who were fit had lower mortality rates than men who were unfit but of so-called normal weight. Some scientists say that some ppl are programmed to be fat.
—————————————————
Myths
Myth #1: Fat people are compulsive eaters.
Info: Some fat people (as well as thin people) are compulsive eaters; some are not. Studies which set out to prove that fat people eat more than thin people concluded that there is no measurable difference in the food consumption of fat and thin people. Since compulsive eating generally occurs in response to dieting, those people who diet are at risk. Since most fat people, especially women, have felt pressured to diet, some will have developed a compulsive eating problem. Compulsive eating tends to heal and normalize once people stop dieting.

Myth #2: Fat people become fat from overeating and under-exercising. They can become thin by dieting and exercising.
Info: Some people get fat from eating too much and exercising too little. At least two-thirds of fat people, however, are genetically programmed to be fat, regardless of their eating and exercise habits. On average, fat people eat no more than thin people; this has been repeatedly verified. If someone has become fat from a combination of overeating and under exercising, their size will probably diminish as they eat less and exercise more. However, they may never become thin, unless they are genetically meant to have thin bodies.

Myth #3: Fat people are avoiding or covering their sexuality.
Info: Some people who are fat may use fatness to protect themselves against their own or others’ sexuality. As with anyone, however, this must be determined on an individual basis. Many people who are fat are quite comfortable with their sexuality, and are sexually active.

Myth #4: Fat women have all been sexually abused when they were young.
Info: It is estimated that about 30% of women of any size have been sexually abused. One cannot assume any correlation between body size and a history of sexual abuse.

Myth #5: Fat people lack willpower.
Info: Most fat people in our culture have spent years dieting, and have lost vast quantities of weight. However, more than 95% of dieters regain lost weight. Contrary to what the $33 billion per year dieting industry would have us believe, the failure of diets is not the fault of the dieter; rather, the body’s response to a very low calorie diet (VLCD) dictates that the diet will fail.
A person’s body weight is determined by a number of factors, including genetics, metabolism, and dieting history. The body will naturally stabilize at a certain weight; dieting serves to raise this natural “set point”. When the dieter goes off her diet, her body converts extra calories consumed as fat, in anticipation of the next period of “starvation,” resulting in weight gain greater than the amount lost. This “ratchet effect” is evident in yo-yo dieters, who may lose 20 pounds, gain 30, lose 30 pounds, gain 40, etc.
Very low calorie diets result in both physical and psychological pressure to resist what the body interprets as starvation. This psychobiological pressure leads dieters to binge in order to receive vital nourishment. Fortunately, for the survival of the human race, biological necessity usually overrides willpower.

Myth #6: Inside every fat person is a thin person trying to get out.
Info: Given the prejudice which confronts fat people in our society, most fat people would like to be thinner. Nevertheless, they cannot become thinner, they need to accept themselves and get on with having the best life they can have. Do not assume that with the “right” treatment, a fat person will get thin. Biology largely determines a person’s body size and shape. With the “right” treatment, however, a fat person can have a full, happy, and healthy life.

Myth #7: “Fat people are ugly.”
Info: Beauty is a learned concept, and the cultural norm of beauty changes over time. At the turn of the century, the leading sex symbol, Lillian Russell, weighed over 200 pounds. Marilyn Monroe would be considered “overweight” today. The media, advertisers, and the diet industry tend to set the standard of beauty in today’s society. We must remember that they are selling us dissatisfaction with our bodies in order to make a profit.

Myth #8: “Fat people can’t find romantic partners.”
Info: It’s estimated that at least 5-10% of the population has a preference for a large-size partner. As the preference for the large-size partner is legitimized, the 5-10% figure may rise.

Facts:
Sixty-one percent of U.S. Adults are overweight or obese. (1999)
Thirty-five percent of U.S. Adults are overweight (BMI of 25.0-29.9). (1999)

Links:
FairOrg
PicoSearch

4 am in the morning and I get the idea to research big women and the ideals and roles placed upon them by different societies and cultures. I thought it was a great idea.. one of the best ideas I’ve had in a while. I couldn’t tell ya where th topic came from cuz at 4 am my brain’s on auto-pilot but I’ve decided to do my research and put forth what I’ve learned on my knowledge journey. Btw, did I mention how many porn sites I had to weed through before I got to the good information? Millions. There is a market folks. The web sites that did allow me to learn about the subject and not view it in a degrading manner were sites created by big women themselves, feminists women, and/or men that loved big beautiful women.

My personal view
Me?.. some consider me big, some consider me “healthy,” and some just view me as well proportioned. I’m just built weird. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally koo with it and I wouldn’t wanna have another structure but I’ve never seen anybody walking around with a similar shape. It gets me down at times and at other times I feel empowered by it.
Most of tha women in my family are well built. On my daddy’s side the women mostly have big legs and hips. On my momma’s side, they usually have small frames but we come from tha South *shrugs*.. they’re thick women. I inherited a lil bit of both. I have no complaints. I know what I am.. I appreciate it.

My friends’ view
I had a convo with Ray & Chandra and they both think that there is no way that u can be healthy and fat. I was taught different. Their views on tha subject had me jaded for a minute… now I suddenly understand certain things about them.
Ray says he hates how ppl hype up big black women cuz he thinks it’s not right to be overweight. He says it’s a health issue that makes him think that way but I know different.
Chandra says as long as u carry urself a certain way and buy clothes that fit, it’s all good. Once again, I know different.. Chandra often squeezes into clothes that are a size(s) smaller, so I took what neither one of them said to heart. They didn’t care to answer my questions properly when I asked their opinions of tha negative aspects that tha media places on ppl that don’t fit tha “mold.” They think that if u have tha right attitude and accept ur body, you should be alright but what about all tha teasing and constant tv/magazine ads that gives said person negative images that hinder their self concept?

I have to take tha time out to give thankx to tha makers of tha Just my Size commercial that says big women can be beautiful women. Thankx to De La Soul for tha “Baby Phat” video. Thankx to PBS and a special thankx to Juvenile for “Back that ass up.” It might have been about ass but at least it depicted “real” girls instead of ur normal video hoes.

In writing this paper am I in no way classifying myself as a big person (I’m thick, thank ya very much), nor am I trying to offend big ppl. This is just a light-hearted attempt to learn about different ppl and culture and hopefully spread tha knowledge that I’ve gained.

**switching to scholar mode**

The body of the fat woman is one that is denigrated, policed, teased, restricted, and desexualized. Therefore the myths about fatness need to be dispelled and dismantled so we can all be aware of the privilege of thinness. My mission is to promote tha big woman in order to combat the negative stereotypes surrounding the fat body and in particular, the fat female body.
Most fat people in our society have undergone socially sanctioned abuse. The fatter the person, the more likely it is for that person to face abuse in daily life. The abuse may come in the form of insults from strangers, family, and acquaintances; denial of insurance or of medical treatment, or insistence by medical professionals that weight loss is required for healing any and all presenting complaints; restricted access to jobs, promotions, or advanced education; denial of opportunities to adopt a child; lack of access to adequate seating in theaters, public transportation, restaurants, and even restrooms.
As with other victims of abuse, the fat person may have internalized the abuse, with such consequences as low self-esteem, social isolation, passivity, or self hatred. These can be vital areas for therapeutic intervention.
Let’s dispel all rumors and lay to rest all myths.

HISTORY/EXISTING CONDITION:
At different times throughout history, the fat figure was looked upon as the ideal, desirable figure. For example, at the turn of the century, Lillian Russell — at a weight of over 200 pounds — was a reigning sex symbol. (Coincidentally, it’s hard finding a photo of her). Throughout most of human history, fat has been thought to be the best thing, the most beautiful and desirable stuff of all.

The first figures found that depict the human body are thought to be more than fifteen thousand years old; they are all female, all very round and bumpy, with erotic zones (tits, belly, ass) that protrude abundantly. The most famous of course is the Venus of Willendorf, a little figure four and a half inches tall, endowed with the most extraordinary proportions.

“Two enormous mountains for breasts, perfectly rounded, plumped-up mounds, tower above her vast taut belly. While the hips curve into an endless ass, the giant thighs taper to thin legs cut off at the ankles. At the focus of all these immense sweeping hills of flesh is a fat and beautifully fashioned vulva. In the center of it all is a navel, vast and dark and deep.”
Damn he described that well!

Venuses are goddesses of love but archaeologists don’t get it. With their professional bias in favor of use and usefulness, they assume these figures must be fertility fetishes, serving some ritual purposes–objects of prayer fashioned to foster conception and protect pregnancy. They make that assumption based on the further assumption that since all of these figures are fat–fat breasts and bellies and thighs–they must be pregnant. To be sure, there is some direct proportion between the amount of fat a woman bears and her capacity to bear children. Fat is fertile, we have already pointed that out. Certainly, we know that the obverse is even more likely to be the case: thin women are less fertile, less successful at bearing children. After a certain point of emaciation, menstruation stops altogether, and fertility vanishes. The advantages of fat were surely even more pressing to our ancestors in the cave; when famine lurked as a constant menace, a pregnant mother blessed her fat’s insurance against the loss of her future child.

“Asses are no less the focus of artistic attention than breasts or vast, prominent bellies, and that’s important. In humans who face each other in love, asses came to have to do more with pleasure than with reproduction, and one that sticks out behind, with the same assertive audacity as bubble breasts in front, is hot. A fat ass doesn’t serve any reproductive function. Except that it’s fat, and in general fat is fertile. A big beautiful ass on these figures is an object of admiration and a spur to dreaming, a sort of pillow on which our grottoed ancestors may well have fantasized fat, and in times of scarcity dreamt of its pleasures. In the dreams of the caveman, these goddesses gambol at play in fat fields and splash in lively streams, lovely ladies abounding in the lush landscapes that compose his visions of paradise.”
I love this guy’s descriptions!

There are African tribes that seclude their brides before marriage, in order to fatten them up, and certain Polynesian tribes have great reverence for women who reach two hundred or three hundred pounds.
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————————————————————————
Today, the American cultural aesthetic of beauty ranges from the thin super model whose figure’s proportions are unrepresentative of the naturally occurring shape of the human female, to an emaciated, sunken-eyed look termed “heroin chic.” These cultural standards of attractiveness are fueled, in large part, by a multi-billion-dollar commercial weight loss industry that sells people on dissatisfaction with their bodies and by manufacturers selling products by linking the concept of conventional beauty and the consumer’s self-worth.

Based on anecdotal evidence, five to ten percent of the population has a sexual preference for a fat partner. Since fat partners are not considered attractive or desirable by modern American society, there is a high degree of stigmatization associated with such a preference. Due to this societal, peer, and parental pressure, individuals with such a preference see the preference itself as abnormal or shameful. As a result, most individuals who prefer fat partners suffer from self-doubt and often public ridicule. Many decide to stay “in the closet” about their preference because of this opposition. This denial of one’s preference may lead to a disruption in personal growth and inadequate development of social and interpersonal skills. It may also lead to unhappy relationships with average-size partners chosen simply to conform to society’s norms or to please parents, employers, or friends. As a result of this social stigma, relationships between fat people and their admirers are often unnecessarily difficult, and many people who could form happy, successful relationships never have the opportunity to meet…… (To be continued)

MAY God be praised for woman
That gives up all her mind,
A man may find in no man
A friendship of her kind
That covers all he has brought
As with her flesh and bone,
Nor quarrels with a thought
Because it is not her own.

Sometimes I fuckin hate you
And sometimes I don’t
Didn’t wanna do it,
It’s hard to let you go
But sometimes I fuckin hate you

I can’t give to you anymore
Because I don’t trust you
I can’t give to you
Because you’re never there
I’m not getting what I need from you
Because sometimes I fuckin hate you

I don’t give a shit because you don’t
I treat myself better than you ever could…
Just because you won’t
If I see you in the street, I’ll wave and keep on going
If you see me in the street, walk on by because you tell lies
Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna cry
I couldn’t even begin to tell you why
For you, I’ll do things I normally wouldn’t do
But sometimes I fuckin hate you