Watched this insightful documentary and thought everybody should know about it.  Check out the link for more info..

PBS Special

The stress response: in the beginning it saved our lives, making us run from predators and enabling us to take down prey. Today, human beings are turning on the same life-saving physical reaction to cope with 30-year mortgages, $4 a gallon gasoline, final exams, difficult bosses and even traffic jams — we can’t seem to turn it off. So, we’re constantly marinating in corrosive hormones triggered by the stress response.

Now, scientists are showing just how measurable — and dangerous — prolonged exposure to stress can be. Stanford University neurobiologist, MacArthur “genius” grant recipient, and renowned author Robert Sapolsky reveals new answers to why and how chronic stress is threatening our lives in Killer Stress, a National Geographic Special.
Read more here

Positive thinking is so firmly enshrined in our culture that knocking it is a little like attacking motherhood or apple pie. Many persons swear by positive thinking and quite a few have been helped by it. Nevertheless, it is not a very effective tool and can be downright harmful in some cases. There are much better ways to get the benefits that positive thinking allegedly provides.

Perhaps the statement that best exemplifies positive thinking is “When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.” It seems so self-evident that this is a good thing that we never question the wisdom of the adage. But it does not take a whole lot of digging to unearth the flaws in this reasoning.

First, did fate really hand you a lemon or was this merely your initial, unthinking response? Second, is a lemon really a bad thing, something that you would rather not have, but now that you do have it you will somehow salvage something by making lemonade? Finally, it is quite stressful to be handed a lemon until such time as you figure out how to make lemonade. Do you really have to go through this phase?

No matter what happens to us in life we tend to think of it as “good” or “bad”. And most of us tend to use the “bad” label three to ten times as often as the “good” label. And when we say something is bad, the odds grow overwhelming that we will experience it as such. And that is when we need positive thinking. We have been given something bad, a real lemon, and we better scramble and make some lemonade out of it and salvage something out of this “bad” situation.

How tiring and tiresome!

Now think back on your own life. Can you recall instances of something that you initially thought was a bad thing that turned out to be not so bad after all or perhaps even a spectacularly good thing? Like the time you just missed a train and had to wait a whole hour for the next one and it was horrible except that your neighbor also missed it so you talked for the first time and a beautiful friendship developed. You will find many instances in your life, some of them very significant such as the job you desperately wanted but didn’t get only to find that a much better one came by and you would not have been able to accept it if not for the earlier rejection.

Now lets propose something radical and revolutionary. Lets propose that, no matter what happens to you, you do not stick a bad thing label on it. No matter what. You are fired from your job…your mortgage lender sends you a foreclosure notice . . . your spouse files for divorce . . . or whatever. This seems so far-fetched as to be laughable. Of course these are horrible tragedies and terrible things to happen. Or are they? Is it possible, just possible, that you have been conditioned to think of these happenings as unspeakable tragedies and hence experience them as such?

Viktor Frankl in his book Man’s Search for Meaning narrates the tale of the beautiful girl of privilege who was grateful to be in a concentration camp because she was able to connect with a spiritual side of her that she never knew existed. Observations like this led Frankl into his life’s work of determining why, when faced with extreme adversity, some persons positively flourish while others disintegrate.

Many who rise so triumphantly never label what they go through as bad and lament over it. They simply take it as a given as if they were a civil engineer surveying the landscape through which a road is to be built. In this view, a swamp is not a bad thing. It is merely something that has to be addressed in the construction plan.

And if you never label something as bad, then you don’t need positive thinking and all of the stress associated with getting something bad and experiencing it as such till you figure out how to make lemonade out of it simply goes away.

That is the huge pebble in the positive thinking shoe. “This is bad. Really bad. It’s a lemon. But somehow I will make some lemonade out of it and then perhaps it won’t be so bad.” First you think its bad and then you think you will somehow make it less bad and there is a strong undercurrent that you are playing games and kidding yourself. Some people succeed. Many don’t. And those who don’t are devastated that the model they were trying so hard to build caved in on them. That’s why positive thinking can sometimes be harmful.

Can you actually go through life without labeling what happens to you as good or bad? Sure you can. You have to train yourself to do this. You have been conditioned to think of things as bad or good. You can de-condition yourself. It is neither easy nor fast but it is possible.

Lets say you break your leg. There is stuff you have to do like go to an orthopedist and get it set and go to therapy when the cast comes off. But all the rest of the stuff you pick up “Why did this have to happen to me? Bad things always come my way. I am in such pain. Who will hold the world up now that I am disabled?” is simply baggage. You don’t have to pick up this load and the only reason you do is because you were never told that you didn’t have to.

I am telling you now. Don’t pick up that useless burden. Don’t label what happens to you as bad. Then you won’t need positive thinking and much of the stress in your life will simply disappear. Poof! Just like that.

The Awakening
(Author unknown)

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

In the last few years, psychologists and researchers have been digging up hard data on a question previously left to philosophers: What makes us happy? Researchers like the father-son team Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, and ethicist Stephen Post have studied people all over the world to find out how things like money, attitude, culture, memory, health, altruism, and our day-to-day habits affect our well-being. The emerging field of positive psychology is bursting with new findings that suggest your actions can have a significant effect on your happiness and satisfaction with life. Here are 10 scientifically proven strategies for getting happy.
		Savor Everyday MomentsPause now and then to smell a rose or watch children at play. Study participants who took time to “savor” ordinary events that they normally hurried through, or to think back on pleasant moments from their day, “showed significant increases in happiness and reductions in depression,” says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky.
		Avoid ComparisonsWhile keeping up with the Joneses is part of American culture, comparing ourselves with others can be damaging to happiness and self-esteem. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, focusing on our own personal achievement leads to greater satisfaction, according to Lyubomirsky.
		Put Money Low on the ListPeople who put money high on their priority list are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, according to researchers Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan. Their findings hold true across nations and cultures. “The more we seek satisfactions in material goods, the less we find them there,” Ryan says. “The satisfaction has a short half-life—it’s very fleeting.” Money-seekers also score lower on tests of vitality and self-actualization.
		Have Meaningful Goals“People who strive for something significant, whether it’s learning a new craft or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations,” say Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener. “As humans, we actually require a sense of meaning to thrive.” Harvard’s resident happiness professor, Tal Ben-Shahar, agrees, “Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable.”
		Take Initiative at WorkHow happy you are at work depends in part on how much initiative you take. Researcher Amy Wrzesniewski says that when we express creativity, help others, suggest improvements, or do additional tasks on the job, we make our work more rewarding and feel more in control.
		Make Friends, Treasure FamilyHappier people tend to have good families, friends, and supportive relationships, say Diener and Biswas-Diener. But it’s not enough to be the life of the party if you’re surrounded by shallow acquaintances. “We don’t just need relationships, we need close ones” that involve understanding and caring.
		Smile Even When You Don’t Feel Like ItIt sounds simple, but it works. “Happy people…see possibilities, opportunities, and success. When they think of the future, they are optimistic, and when they review the past, they tend to savor the high points,” say Diener and Biswas-Diener. Even if you weren’t born looking at the glass as half-full, with practice, a positive outlook can become a habit.
		Say Thank You Like You Mean ItPeople who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals, according to author Robert Emmons. Research by Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, revealed that people who write “gratitude letters” to someone who made a difference in their lives score higher on happiness, and lower on depression—and the effect lasts for weeks.
		Get Out and ExerciseA Duke University study shows that exercise may be just as effective as drugs in treating depression, without all the side effects and expense. Other research shows that in addition to health benefits, regular exercise offers a sense of accomplishment and opportunity for social interaction, releases feel-good endorphins, and boosts self-esteem.
		Give It Away, Give It Away Now!Make altruism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Researcher Stephen Post says helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a “helper’s high,” and you get more health benefits than you would from exercise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others’ successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness, he says. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves.

Source

Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come.

It will come.

Do not worry, obsess, think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you.

It will find you.

Surrender to your Higher Power each day. Trust your Higher Power. Then, stay peaceful. Trust and listen to your
self. That is how the good you want will come to you.

Your healing, your joy, your relationships. Your solutions. That job. That desired change. That opportunity. It will come to you–naturally, with ease, and in a host of ways.

That answer will come. The direction will come. The money. The idea. The energy. The creativity. The path will open itself to you. Trust that, for it has already been planned.

It is futile, a waste and drain of energy, to worry about how it will come. It is already there. You have it already. It is
in place. You just cannot see it!

You will be brought to it, or it will be brought to you.

Source

“You are probably familiar with situations like these:

- You post something smart and thoughtful to one of your social networks, and nobody responds – while somebody else posts something silly or trivial, and droves of enthusiastic people jump in: “This is so cool! Love it! You are a genius!”
- You enter a crowded room (like a party), and nobody notices you. The moment you muster the courage and start talking to somebody, they don’t see you and turn to the waiter instead.
- You are listening to an interesting conversation and want to contribute something meaningful. The moment you speak up, somebody else says something, and everybody turns to that person.

Painful, embarrassing, humilaiting,isn’t it.
Being invisible to other people, not having a voice can be devestating – especially if it is the theme of your life. Old, intense chilhood pain comes up, memories of parents who would not pay attention to the little girl or boy.

Now, when you are grown up and feel invisible (without a voice), that means two things:

1. You are re-enacting childhood scenarios
2. You are literally on a different vibrational level than the people around you. For example: If you are a hypersensitive introvert, you will not do well with a crowd of frolicking six-pack Joes and Janes. Does that mean that there is something wrong with you? Not in the least (nothing wrong with the happy crowd either). Your vibrations just don’t match.

Keep that in mind for your EFT reframes:

Even though I am invisible to so many people around me,
I am willing to connect with the people who can appreciate me

Even though my voice does not count, I am ready to meet people who are eager to hear what I have to say

Even though nobody ever seems to see or hear me, I trust my spiritual guidance to lead me to “my people”.

Keep going. You will find what you are looking for. Nobody is cut off in our world; it is energetically impossible.”

It’s okay to be angry, but it isn’t healthy to be resentful.

Regardless of what we learned as children, no matter what we
saw role-modeled, we can learn to deal with our anger in ways
that are healthy for us and for those around us. We can have
our angry feelings. We can connect with them, own them, feel them,
express them, release them, and be done with them.

We can learn to listen to what anger is telling us about what
we want and need in order to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes we can even indulge in angry feelings that aren’t justified.
Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling,
only in the behavior. We can feel angry without hurting or abusing
others or ourselves. We can learn to deal with anger in ways that
benefit oru relationships instead of ways that harm them.

If we don’t feel our angry feelings today, we will need to face
them tomorrow.

“I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.”

~ Anna Quindlen

Define who and what are important in your life and Decide to live accordingly.

Energize yourself with foods that nourish, and Exercise to increase circulation, optimize function and eliminate toxins. (read ch. 13)

Support your body with dietary Supplements designed specifically to help compensate for the effects of stress on your body and supply nutrients used up during stress.

Take Time to breathe deeply and fully, to find a moment of calm, and to enjoy something each day.

Reframe events that stress you in order to Release yourself from paralysis so you can discover what you can do, and how you can benefit from these events or turn them to your advantage. (read ch. 12)

Eliminate energy robbers and health drains, and Establish clear boundaries.

Sleep to give your body a chance to recharge and heal, and your mind a few moments of Silent Solace each day so you are refreshed and ready to take effective action.

Smile and See the Soul-fullness in your life. The physical action changes how you feel inside, which changes how you behave and how your body reacts.

Take time to celebrate.

Celebrate your successes, your growth, your accomplishments.
Celebrate you and who you are.

For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have
spilled their negative energy–their attitudes, beliefs, pain–
on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been
a gift to yourself and to the Universe.

You are a child of God. Beatutiful, a delight, a joy. You do not
have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are
not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.

Celebrate that.

When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it.
Pause, reflect, rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions
not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the
downward road to arrogance.

Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the Creator
for the beauty of God’s creation. To enjoy and celebrate the
good does not mean that it will be taken from you.
To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.

Celebrate your relationships! Celebrate the lessons from the past
and the love and warmth that is there today. Enjoy the beauty of
others and their connection to you.

Celebrate all that is in your life. Celebrate all that is good.

Celebrate you!

We are not always clear about what we are experiencing, or why.

In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning,
healing, or discipline– it’s difficult to have perspective.

That’s because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in
the midst of it. The gift of clarity has not yet arrived.

Our need to control can manifest itself as a need to know
exactly what’s going on. We cannot always know. Sometimes, we
need to let ourselves be and trust that clarity will come later,
in retrospect.

If we are confused, that is what we are suppose to be. The confusion
is temporary. We shall see. The lesson, the purpose , shall
reveal itself–in time, in its own time.

It will all make perfect sense….later.

We must discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They
cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows
a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth for
ourselves.

We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated.
That’s how we break through our struggle; that’s how we learn what
is true and right for ourselves.

We can share information with others. Others can tell us what
may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it
will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it
becomes our truth, our discovery, our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.

But we can and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends,
asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier.
They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself
to us. Each of us has our share of light, waiting for us to
stand in it, to calim it as ours.

Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each
person hs truth available–appropri ate to each situation–is what
will help.

Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own
truth waiting to be revealed. Don’t give up until you find it–
for yourself.

We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not
alone.

Seeing narcissism before it finds you can be a task. Self-absorbed and narcissism are not the same thing. Each human possess some trends toward narcissism and we all can be selfish from time-to-time. Empathy is the easiest distinguishing factor between self-absorption and narcissism. Someone who is self-absorbed feels empathy and can show genuine sympathy. Someone who is narcissistic cannot and does not understand the concept. He or she may act sympathetic because this is what is expected and this person is mirroring those around him/her rather than expressing emotion. But when pressed to discuss, reflect or analyze why he or she has feelings of empathy, a narcissist cannot.

One of the reasons Couples Company and most relationship experts recommend dating, (seeing each other at least twice a week and speaking on the phone nearly everyday…long distance does not count in this recommendation) a full year before marrying comes from a concern over spotting psychological problems, anti-social behavior and sociopaths in the dating pool before you say I do. Some problems like active drug and alcohol addition, mental or physical abuse and con-artists bubble to the surface during this period. Most people, including narcissists can behave well for 3-to-6 months. Very few can hide who they really are on a day-to-day basis for a full year.

Living a lie takes a tremendous amount of energy and one of the advantages of dealing with narcissists, self worshipping elitists, is they think they are smarter and better than everyone else so they tend to slip up sooner than con-artists or addicts, whom are somewhat paranoid and hyper-vigilant due to the fact they know they are hiding something. Narcissists do not believe they have a problem. Everyone else does, but not them. Second, they are very good at superficial relationships, possessing charm, a sense of excitement about being with them, (remember they are grandiose and attribute a high level of sophistication and elitism to self and often look like the ‘person in the know’ the person to be with. A little research into their background will tell you if their boasting matches their presented achievements. Narcissists, you’ll find are generally smoke and mirrors with little substance). With that said, what types of signs should you be looking for in dates, friends and business associates to discover if you are dealing with a narcissist?

Nine Warning Signs of NPD

1. Narcissists refrain from introspection, rarely discussing memories, dreams or thoughts of self-analysis

2. Cause and effect are foreign ideas as nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault. Personal accountability is an unknown concept.

3. Narcissists are unable to relate the process of how they learned a lesson about themselves or the world at large.

4. Self-improvement rarely enters a narcissist’s realm as the narcissist already sees him or herself as perfect, superior and above most others. If efforts are taken, generally it is done for manipulation’s purpose: to get something he or she wants. At the same time, they are very good at pointing out everyone else’s faults, shortcomings or handicaps.

5. Narcissists do not share thoughts, feelings or dreams of their own. Rather if thoughts are shared, they quote others, rarely thinking for themselves. When asked to elaborate or explain how they came to such a conclusion, unless it’s scripted, they cannot. Ask where the opinion came from, few will source this information as to do so takes the spotlight from them and places it on another. If feelings are shared, they’ll respond with what is expected and they perceive to be the answer you want to hear based upon behavior they’ve seen in others. When pressed to elaborate, they cannot.

6. Narcissists consider themselves superior and never ask for collaboration in problem solving. Rather, they prefer to find someone else to do it and then minimize their contribution, taking the glory or ignoring the contribution all together.

7. When asked about their past, narcissists are vague and ambiguous. Childhood friends, siblings and others hold no importance unless they can be used to make the narcissist seem more important than he or she is.

8. Empathy is a foreign language. Narcissists are void of empathy and cannot “put the situation on the other foot to look at it from both sides.”

9. People are tools to narcissists, not human beings. A narcissist sees no problem with using people to attain his objectives and does not care if he destroys others in the process because his needs, objectives or agenda are the only thing that matters. He is superior and everyone else is here to serve him, the legend in his own mind. The God complex illustrates why physical contact rather than long-distance relationships are needed. This type of behavior surfaces through interaction with others, specifically family and friends. If you are not there, you won’t see it.

Your Options

So what can you do if you find yourself involved with a narcissistic personality? If dating and not married or employed in a situation where you are required to work with someone like this in close cooperation, run, leave and do whatever you can to limit contact and distance yourself from this person. You cannot fix a narcissist and the nature of their disorder prevents them from fixing themselves. The emotional cost to you is not worth it. A narcissist cannot love you and cannot receive love for love’s sake. They think differently than you and me. Stay with a narcissist and you will spend the rest of your life, unfulfilled, snatching scraps of attention and rationalizing while the rest of your energy squanders setting right the escalating damage the narcissist leaves in his/her wake.

If married and you’ve had children with this person, once you’ve determined you are dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder, your primary responsibility is the children. The cost to them and their self-esteem on a daily basis can produce issues that last a lifetime. If divorce isn’t an option, counseling is a must. The children need to learn how to deal with this disorder without undermining their self-worth. Parental approval and recognition means a lot to children and the withholding of it or attaching conditions to it causes extreme confusion and angst. Children need to learn that though they express love, this person is sick and cannot, but this is no reflection on the quality of their love or being. Children brought up by a narcissistic parent often find themselves chasing poor relationships because this is the only definition of love they know, that which is given and never returned. As the healthy parent, you have the ability to prevent a lifetime of heartache once you realize this is the cause.

By far, the best way to deal with persons with NPD is not to deal with them. If avoidance is not possible, limiting exposure is essential for your health, sanity and the health and sanity of those around you.