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One of the greatest skills a single woman can cultivate, particularly if she wants to meet a wonderful man, is to be seen in public in a joyful mood. A happy, relaxed face is a powerful attractant to a healthy male.

But many single women have trouble attaining such a playful mood in public, and accomplishing it takes self-mastery and focused intent–which will immediately put you in a category apart from all others.

A happy and spontaneous woman who is obviously in a leisure moment, and not too occupied to pay attention to social overture, is much more likely to receive attention than a woman who is rushing somewhere on a vital mission, head bowed in anxiety, face stiff with the fear of an unwanted approach. But most single women in public act as though they want to avoid what they actually wish would happen: a man of Robert Redford-like charm will make intriguing small talk with them.

Feeling confident in public places widens the range of eligible men to whom a single woman will be exposed. And it lessens the chances of being approached by the truly predatory, who are more interested in the wounded, fearful, and anxious. Easier said than done? Nonsense.

First, identify a public place and turn it into your personal parlor.

Find a place where you feel comfortable visiting with friends, eating a meal, or having a cappuccino and reading the paper…alone. Get to know the staff and management, and become a recognized and welcome customer.

This need not be a bar. But it does need to:

Be within easy walking distance from your home.
Be open as many hours a day as possible.
Have a social atmosphere congenial to you.
Have a friendly service staff.
Offer comfortable chairs where your feet reach the floor.
Have lighting soft enough to enhance your skin and strong enough to read by.

It may be a cybercafe, or a neighborhood bar and grill that serves breakfast on the weekends, or a place where you can drop in for a double espresso and read the paper after Sunday grocery shopping. Perhaps it is a favorite restaurant where you can eat a snack or a full meal, depending on your mood.

Consciously make this place your “hangout.”

Make this comfortable spot the place you have lunch with your girlfriend once a week, entertain clients, or meet new acquaintances for a drink or coffee. Get to know the names of the service staff, and tip well, so that when you show up everyone recognizes you–and they will always note when you are talking to someone new. Become a favorite customer. In particular, get to know the bartenders and hostesses in such places, because they are like the captains of the ship and watch everyone who comes and goes. You will never fear being approached by a weird stranger once you feel surrounded by friends.

Although you can start frequenting such a place with someone else, make sure you also show up regularly by yourself.

If you are going to be seen with friends, make sure they are a delight, so that you laugh and smile frequently. If alone, make sure you look around you frequently and make eye contact with someone occasionally. If you cultivate the right place, it will feel like a home away from home. And you will notice who comes and goes. Feel free to relax and be receptive to eye contact and smiles from people you don’t know…yet. Why not? You’ve created your own safe, public parlor.

Certainly, at first you will probably have to consciously create the circumstances in which to relax in public. Then, you can expand and similarly create other public spaces in which you feel “at home” enough to receive attention from men. Say, you branch out to a local bistro where you can listen comfortably to jazz music on a Saturday evening. Remember, you are in charge, not the space, not the people around you. When you do this, your face will relax enough to invite an approach from a man who is assertive enough to make a small overture, and healthy enough to choose a confident woman with whom to do so.

I recommend that any single woman who wants to meet more men practice the discipline of socializing where she can give and receive mild flirtations without endangering herself or feeling anxiety. Think of it as a discipline, like meditating in public. Walk that razor’s edge of being both relaxed and alert to the world around you, and you will never feel dis-empowered in a social situation. And you will meet a lot more of the kind of men you want to meet.

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1. The black man’s devaluing and disrespect of the black woman has led to many black women viewing black men as villains, a burden to them and society and a liability rather than as a best-friend, father, husband, and ally.

2. Black men have proven themselves to be complete failures on so many levels…the main level being fatherhood. Being a parent is suppose to be the most important “job” that one can have, but instead of embracing the role and responsibility black men choose to run in the opposite direction. This leaves black women to play the dual role of mother and father.

3. Many Black men have adopted a “baby boy” type mentality. They expect black women to “mother” them and cater to them the way a mother would. Their expectations are too high for any woman and ridiculous to say the least. This type of black man needs to be pushed to do the simple things that come easy to other races of men. Example: Most men like to set off on their own at some point early in life…however, these type of men need to be pushed to move the hell out of their parent’s house.

4. Black men don’t value their bodies or they’re minds. While black women are reaching higher and higher in terms of higher education black men are regressing and falling further and further behind. As far as their bodies are concern, black men don’t comprehend the concept of safe sex. They are constantly putting their bodies on the line with unprotected sex and passing the shit on to black women….or other black men for that matter.

5. Black men don’t believe in monogamy. Often black men have more than one black woman at a time and are responsible for fathering several out of wedlock children by several different women. Example: Lil Wayne…shaking my damn head!

6. Black men often want black women to look pass their flaws (unemployment, low wages, street life activities), but rarely do black men look pass the flaws of black women. Often black women are made to feel they are inferior to other races of women due to black men constantly nagging and comparing them to other races or women. This is where the black man’s love for a “European” standard of beauty comes into play.

7. Black men don’t know the meaning of romance. Trying to get a date beyond McDonald’s or an all you can eat buffet is hard for a black woman. Often black men will make it very clear that her trip with him anywhere comes at a price therefore she better be ready to spread those legs later.

8. Black men have successfully damaged their image. Gold teeth, sagging pants, and white tees have become the dress code for too many. It’s embarrassing to be seen in public with these individuals. Black women often find themselves having to tell black men how to dress. It’s not just the so-called thugs either….very often black nerds lack any since of style and self-worth.

9. Black men are not ambitious enough. It’s hard to find a black man today who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer. Many black men only think about sports and entertainment both of which are LONG shots in terms of a career. A large number of black women are ambitious and take the common sense approach of going to college so there tends to be a clash here.

10. Black men are easily misled. Black men have done more damage to the black community than any white man could ever do by selling drugs to the community. Though they are quick to point out the fact that white men are importing the drugs into the country rarely do they acknowledge the fact that the white man isn’t forcing them to sell it to their own people.

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What do you think?

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just in case you lost the one you had.

Studies Show Epidemic That Could Be Stemmed by Cervical Cancer Vaccine Gardasil

For years now, doctors have urged young women to be vaccinated against the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is believed to cause cervical cancer.

But now, growing research in Europe and the United States is implicating HPV in a rising number of cases of head and neck cancers in men, and many doctors are recommending that all boys be vaccinated as well.

Doctors say that changing sexual behaviors — earlier sex, more partners and especially oral sex — are contributing to a new epidemic of orpharyngeal squamous cell cancers, those of the throat, tonsils and base of the tongue.

These cancers can be deadly, and are striking men at a younger age and in increasing numbers.

“There’s a lag in information,” said Dr. John Deeken, a medical oncologist at Georgetown University. “We physicians have done a poor job of advertising the fact that boys and girls should have the vaccine.”

“This kind of cancer traditionally affects males who have been smoking and drinking all their life, and now in their mid-60s they are getting head and neck cancer,” he said. “However, HPV cancer we are seeing in younger patients who have never smoked.”

Two decades ago, about 20 percent of all oral cancers were HPV-related, but today that number is more than 50 percent, according to studies published by the American Association for Cancer Research.

Similarly high rates have also been seen in Europe, where a new Swedish study has shown a strong correlation between oral cancers and oral sex. Oddly, the rising rates have not been seen yet in the Southern Hemisphere in Australia and New Zealand.

Each year, more than 30,000 new cases of cancer of the oral cavity and pharynx are diagnosed, and more than 8,000 people die from oral cancer, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Cure rates are higher than for smoking-related throat cancers, but still only 50 percent.

Today, men are more likely to get oral cancer than are women, but as the epidemic grows, that could soon change.

“We expect in head and neck cancers that 85 percent are men and 15 percent are women,” said Deeken. “But over the coming years that could become equal.”

“It’s going to take a couple of decades to see the trend turning around,” he said. “The epidemiological risk factors are past sexual partners as well as marijuana exposure, not just oral sex.”

Human Papilloma Virus Affecting More Men

HPV is the most common sexually-transmitted infection. Those who are infected often have no symptoms and pass it on to their partners through genital contact during vaginal and anal sex. It can also be transmitted during oral sex and, more rarely, during deep kissing through saliva.
PHOTO Growing research in Europe and the United States is implicating the most common sexually transmitted disease in a rising number of cases of oropharyngeal squamous cell cancers and many doctors are recommending that boys be vaccinated, as well.
Research increasingly shows that Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), believed to cause cervical cancer in… Expand
Research increasingly shows that Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), believed to cause cervical cancer in women, may also be causing head and neck cancers in men, perhaps because of an increase in oral sex. Women can be vaccinated against HPV. Many doctors are recommending that boys be vaccinated as well. Collapse
(Digital Vision/Getty Images)

There are more than 100 strains of the virus. Some cause genital warts, but others can result in cell changes that decades later can become cancerous. Each strain is identified by a number; oral and cervical cancers are caused by HPV sub-types 16 and 18.

HPV can also cause cancers of the vulva, vagina, penis and anus, and there is some evidence it is associated with esophageal and lung cancers.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the use of Gardasil for girls in 2006 and for boys for treatment of genital and anal warts in 2009. The vaccine can be given at any age, though it is most effective given young people before any sexual exposure.

Doctors say it could prevent 10,000 more cases of oral cancer a year.

Several deaths associated with the vaccine led doctors to advise caution in the rush to promote widespread use of the vaccine, and doctors say there is a lack of public awareness of its role in preventing cancer.

“With any new vaccine, you have to err on the side of caution, but every year we know more about it,” said Deeken. “But we have to ask the question: What do we do for the spouses and kids of our patients? I don’t see any downside to vaccination at this time. My son and daughter will get it.”

Because humans are the only reservoir for HPV, “it could be eliminated like smallpox,” he said.

The research isn’t new, but it has not received wide attention, perhaps because of taboos associated with oral sex.

Oral sex has become more commonplace; people have more sex partners and have sex earlier in life — all behaviors linked to HPV-related oral cancers, according to a study in the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Emerging Infectious Diseases report.

A study at the Swedish Karolinska Institutet showed the risk of developing oral HPV infection increased with a rise in lifetime oral or vaginal sex partners. It also cited “open mouth kissing.”

The study included 542 American students, and noted similar increases in such cancers in Britain, Finland and The Netherlands.

But Dr. Kevin Cullen, director of University of Maryland’s Marlene and Stewart Greenebaum Cancer Center, is not sure only oral sex is to blame.

“It’s hard for me to believe sexual behaviors have changed that much in 15 to 20 years,” he said. “It may be that as happens, epidemics get enough people infected and an infection begins to take off, and that may have happened with HPV at some point.”

A study Cullen did last year found that HPV-related oral cancer in African Americans were less common than whites, perhaps because of negative cultural attitudes about oral sex.

“But it looks like blacks are beginning to catch up with whites,” said Cullen.

Scientists also don’t know why women tend to develop cervical cancer while men have more throat cancer. “Maybe women are better able to transmit to a man than a man to the oral mucosa of a woman,” said Cullen.

Doctors also think that cancer is likely to develop in the first area of exposure ? in women, usually the vagina. The woman may then develop later immunity in the throat.

But with more oral sex, often before vaginal sex, female throat cancers could increase, they say.

Very little HPV was seen until the 1980s. “It was very rare in our archives,” said Cullen. “But each year we looked, it was more prevalent. Why, no one is really sure.”

And doctors say those numbers have not yet peaked.

“There is increasing evidence that boys as well as girls should be vaccinated,” said Cullen. “Men and women are increasingly going to face the burden of cancer, and we have a tool to prevent it.”

Why the medical community has not fully embraced vaccination is not clear.

“The lead time for development of oral cancer is in decades, so to do definitive studies would take decades to do,” he said. “[The FDA] picked the simpler task of preventing HPV warts in the short time frame.”

Resistance has also come from safety concerns, as well as the fear by some groups that vaccination for a sexually transmitted disease will promote sexual behavior.

Cervical cancer just may just be “sexier” than throat cancer, said Dr. Ranit Mishori, a family physician in the Georgetown University School of Medicine.

“We don’t think about oral cancer except in smokers,” she said. “There is no question HPV is the cause of most oral cancers, but it’s partly an awareness issue relating to our kids’ sex life, and who wants to talk about oral sex?”

Convincing parents to vaccinate their sons as well as their daughters is a “hard sell,” said Mishori.

“Oftentimes it’s the moms who take the kids to the doctor, and we tell them we have this great vaccine that can prevent their daughter from getting cervical cancer,” she said. “Moms can easily relate.”

But it’s harder to tell her “to give her son three painful shots so that he won’t transmit it to his girlfriend in the future and might not transmit cancer or have oral cancer himself,” said Mishori.

As for potential side effects with the vaccine, Mishori said those concerns are “pretty minor compared to the potential.”

“It hasn’t been around too long, but it’s been tested on thousands of women,” she said. “The fact that the vaccine prevents cancer is astounding in itself.”

Source

THE secret of a long life is abstinence from sex, scientists revealed yesterday.
A team from the University of Sheffield believes nuns and spinsters who stay away from the pleasures of the flesh outlive sexually active adults.

The “no sex” strategy for survival came from results found studying the sex lives of beetles at the university’s department of animal and plant sciences. They discovered that mealworm beetles, which mate every day, die young, while those which avoid mating live for much longer.

Dr Michael Siva-Jothey, the leader of the team, said: “Nuns tend to have a longer lifespan than women with children and most people know of someone with a maiden aunt who seems to live forever. The question is, why?

“The beetles which mate die sooner than the beetles which don’t mate. The mechanism is not the same in humans, but the principle is the same.

“In beetles, mating released hormones needed to produce sperm in a male or eggs in a female and that had a negative effect on the immune system.

“The assumption then is that if the immune system is downgraded, that leads to a loss of longevity. It is fair to assume that would be the same with other organisms including humans, because mating has a dual effect – a positive one, but then a negative one on the immune system.

“That is important to evolutionary biologists. The goal of evolution is not to live longer but to leave as many offspring as possible so if you produce a lot of offspring and die young then you have done your job in evolutionary terms.

“It makes perfect sense if you try to understand how sexually transmitted disease evolved and spread. The best time for a disease to find a host is during sexual activity when the immune system is weakened.”

The findings are just one in a long line of evidence that suggest that males live longer if they abstain from sex.

In 1997, Dr David Gems, a geneticist at University College London, found that males who remain celibate are more likely to survive into a ripe old age.

He discovered that males are actually designed to live longer, but any help from nature is wiped out by the pursuit of sex.

Dr Gems reached the controversial conclusion while studying nematode worms.

* Source: The Scotsman

Oral sex. In the ’90s, we pondered the question, is it really even sex? Today, we know the answer: Does it really even matter? It feels good. And according to a recent survey, the majority of sexually active men and women feel that giving and receiving oral sex is important in a relationship (to which we say: duh).

The same survey also “discovered” that the way you or your partner “tastes” can be a real obstacle to whether you’ll get (or give) some south-of-the-border action. Which reminds us of that “Sex and the City” episode where Samantha is bedding a dude whose spunk is funky. She tries to remedy the situation by getting him to imbibe wheat grass juice, a supposed cure, but alas, in true Samantha fashion, she calls it quits and moves on to her next victim before she can test the conclusion of her little experiment.

Too bad there wasn’t a pill you could pop that would improve the taste of sexual secretions. Oh, wait! There is! One created by the same company that released the above survey results, natch. Lifestyle Nutrition recently announced the sale of BOP supplements, easy-to-swallow (pun intended) pills formulated with ingredients such as banana, pineapple, vanilla, cinnamon and ginger, which are “delivered through a unique lipid matrix made from flaxseed oil, safflower seed oil and sesame seed oil.” Apparently the foods we consume affect the way our bodily secretions taste, and this pill, when taken two hours before sexual intimacy, has been proven to affect the taste of secretions positively. (Where in the world do they find the people to participate in these studies?)

So, what do you think: Would a pill that improves the taste make you more likely to go downtown?

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The Pussy Snorkel allows a man to continue breathing while performing oral sex on a woman in a spa, bathtub or even a bowl of green Jell-O. Insert the breathing apparatus into your nostrils, rub the clitoral stimulator against your favorite coral reef and start with the tongue action.
Also offered is the “Glow in the Dark” PUSSY SNORKEL – The One and Only Now Glows in the Dark! Great for night diving.

Get it here

It’s over. Now what? If you’re a woman who’s ever had to deal with “I’m done” from a significant other, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to this. First, you need to realize that it will not be easy to completely cut off a guy from your life, but let’s face it…that’s what you have to do. We all have our different ways of going about doing that too, but ultimately so many of us go way too far in dealing (or avoiding dealing) with the fallout of a break-up. I’m gonna keep it real because as a woman who is dealing with this situation gracefully, (I’m sure it helps that it was a mutual decision) I’m tired of seeing those of you who act a straight fool when a guy wants out.

No matter what your girlfriends tell you, stalking him is NOT okay. It’s just not. What is stalking? It’s calling over and over again. It’s leaving nasty messages, calling back to leave an apology and then calling again to cuss him out because he’s never responded to the first set of calls…and over and over again. Stalking is riding by his house to see if his car is there. Stalking is calling his friends to “talk” in hopes to see what he has going on. Stalking is showing up outside his bedroom window at 6am staring at him from the other side of the glass (I have a friend who actually did this to more than one boyfriend—I recommended professional help ASAP!)

It’s not cool, it’s not cute and it gives women a bad name when you do this. Hell, it makes men not want to break it off in an upfront fashion for fear that they will be harassed by an ex. I’m not saying men do shitty break-ups because of us, but some of us don’t help make the transition easy.

Read more here

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Words of appreciation spoken directly to your romantic partner go far in paving the way to a happy, healthy relationship. What is sometimes too easily forgotten: disagreements among couples (from trifling to serious) can nearly always be overcome with a few words of gratitude from a partner (a.k.a., a healthy dose of authentic compliments). But it takes more than a “Hey Baby, you’re hot” to really win points with your partner here. These are the top five compliments every woman loves to hear. If you can’t remember the words verbatim, remember the key principles: appreciation, support and acceptance. This is the triage to a strong, lasting and powerful romantic endeavor.

1.You’re Irreplaceable. This is a surefire way to light up your partner’s eyes. Saying these words (with full eye contact, of course) lets the special one in your life know that you know who she is as a person and that you value her as a unique individual. Why is this so effective? Think about when you break up with someone and part ways. One of the worst ramifications of the break-up is finding out, via Facebook update or chattering among friends, that you’ve been replaced by someone new. On the flip side, hearing from your current partner that you’re valued for more than what you look like scores big, meaningful points.

2. You bring light to my life. Yes, we know this sounds like a bit much. But bear with us and let us make one point: relationships can go off course when one or both partners takes for granted the contributions the other makes to their lives. Saying this shows that a man understands and remembers that a women chooses to be with her man and opts to give her energy and time to him. Showing he appreciates that she shares her life with him is symphonic to a woman’s ears. If the word light is a tad too over-the-top for you try replacing it with happiness, joy, sunshine—whichever word you can say with genuine meaning.

3. You are perfect just the way that you are. This one takes the gold star award for ability to make a woman’s day, week, month or even year (if, that is, whenever she gets miffed at you for something small she recalls you saying this to her). Ingrid Michaelson sang it best with her lyrics to the song “The Way that I Am.” If you really want to make your partner’s day, we suggest e-mailing this song or youtube video to the woman you love. Deep, lasting love is unconditional. Showing that you comprehend and embrace this idea will touch your partner way more than superficial comments such as, “Your earrings are cute.” Read: Dating A Golddigger

4. I love your (fill in the blank: bright eyes, cute toes, toned arms, sleek legs, silky hair). We did not mean to give the impression above that we women do not like to hear you notice when we put extra effort into looking foxy for our man. But what’s key here is that what you say is genuine. Don’t just pick any random feature. Think about it. What is your partner’s best physical attribute and why do you like it? Telling your partner this will show her you pay attention to details, and to her.

5. I am so proud of you. A big deal-breaker in any relationship can be supporting one another’s life goals or not. Paying attention to your partner’s current goals she is working hard to achieve endear her to you for life. Whether it is paying off her credit card debt, completing a class, putting in extra hours to earn a promotion or even trying to better balance her life, show your loving support for your women. Her heart will melt then and every time thereafter she remembers when you supported along the way to making things happen and brushing off when the chips are down.

It has been said that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and now new research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that for women having brains leads to more orgasms and a more fulfilling sex life. A team of researchers led by Andrea Burri of King’s College London surveyed 2,000 female twins between the ages of 18 and 83 about their sex lives, including a 7-point rating scale for their ability to achieve orgasm (from ‘never’ to ‘always’). Researchers also distributed a questionnaire that assessed the women’s ‘emotional intelligence,’ the ability to express feelings or to read those of others. The results show that women with a higher emotional intelligence had twice as many orgasms as women who exhibited little emotional intelligence. Burri said, ” Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women’s sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.” Greater intelligence may also lead to more elaborate fantasies that help get the job done (whether alone or with a partner).

Burri and her co-authors note that up to 30% of women suffer from female orgasmic disorder (FOD), the inability to achieve orgasm, which is the second most common type of female sexual dysfunction. They conclude that low emotional intelligence is a significant risk factor for developing FOD and should be considered in future research and therapy for FOD. There you have it, smart women know what they want and know how to get it.

Source

1. STIs Reduce Life Expectancy
The most common way to contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is through unprotected sex. These diseases include genital herpes, hepatitis B, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV/AIDS. The American Social Health Organization states that 25 per cent of teens are infected with an STI every year, and 50 per cent of sexually active adults 25 and over will contract one.

The deadliest STI is human immunodeficiency virus or HIV, which causes AIDS or acquired immune deficiency syndrome. Drugs can control the disease and prolong your life expectancy. However, without proper medical attention most people die within 10 to 15 years of being infected.

Another STI that reduces life expectancy is genital humanpapilloma virus (HPV). It is the most common STI in the US and can cause cervical, genital, or anal cancer. According to the American Cancer Society the overall five-year survival rate for cervical cancer is 72 per cent.

Many STIs don’t have immediate symptoms, so get tested regularly if you’re sexually active. Also, practice safe sex or abstinence, and always ask new partners to get tested.

Read more here

Seeing narcissism before it finds you can be a task. Self-absorbed and narcissism are not the same thing. Each human possess some trends toward narcissism and we all can be selfish from time-to-time. Empathy is the easiest distinguishing factor between self-absorption and narcissism. Someone who is self-absorbed feels empathy and can show genuine sympathy. Someone who is narcissistic cannot and does not understand the concept. He or she may act sympathetic because this is what is expected and this person is mirroring those around him/her rather than expressing emotion. But when pressed to discuss, reflect or analyze why he or she has feelings of empathy, a narcissist cannot.

One of the reasons Couples Company and most relationship experts recommend dating, (seeing each other at least twice a week and speaking on the phone nearly everyday…long distance does not count in this recommendation) a full year before marrying comes from a concern over spotting psychological problems, anti-social behavior and sociopaths in the dating pool before you say I do. Some problems like active drug and alcohol addition, mental or physical abuse and con-artists bubble to the surface during this period. Most people, including narcissists can behave well for 3-to-6 months. Very few can hide who they really are on a day-to-day basis for a full year.

Living a lie takes a tremendous amount of energy and one of the advantages of dealing with narcissists, self worshipping elitists, is they think they are smarter and better than everyone else so they tend to slip up sooner than con-artists or addicts, whom are somewhat paranoid and hyper-vigilant due to the fact they know they are hiding something. Narcissists do not believe they have a problem. Everyone else does, but not them. Second, they are very good at superficial relationships, possessing charm, a sense of excitement about being with them, (remember they are grandiose and attribute a high level of sophistication and elitism to self and often look like the ‘person in the know’ the person to be with. A little research into their background will tell you if their boasting matches their presented achievements. Narcissists, you’ll find are generally smoke and mirrors with little substance). With that said, what types of signs should you be looking for in dates, friends and business associates to discover if you are dealing with a narcissist?

Nine Warning Signs of NPD

1. Narcissists refrain from introspection, rarely discussing memories, dreams or thoughts of self-analysis

2. Cause and effect are foreign ideas as nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault. Personal accountability is an unknown concept.

3. Narcissists are unable to relate the process of how they learned a lesson about themselves or the world at large.

4. Self-improvement rarely enters a narcissist’s realm as the narcissist already sees him or herself as perfect, superior and above most others. If efforts are taken, generally it is done for manipulation’s purpose: to get something he or she wants. At the same time, they are very good at pointing out everyone else’s faults, shortcomings or handicaps.

5. Narcissists do not share thoughts, feelings or dreams of their own. Rather if thoughts are shared, they quote others, rarely thinking for themselves. When asked to elaborate or explain how they came to such a conclusion, unless it’s scripted, they cannot. Ask where the opinion came from, few will source this information as to do so takes the spotlight from them and places it on another. If feelings are shared, they’ll respond with what is expected and they perceive to be the answer you want to hear based upon behavior they’ve seen in others. When pressed to elaborate, they cannot.

6. Narcissists consider themselves superior and never ask for collaboration in problem solving. Rather, they prefer to find someone else to do it and then minimize their contribution, taking the glory or ignoring the contribution all together.

7. When asked about their past, narcissists are vague and ambiguous. Childhood friends, siblings and others hold no importance unless they can be used to make the narcissist seem more important than he or she is.

8. Empathy is a foreign language. Narcissists are void of empathy and cannot “put the situation on the other foot to look at it from both sides.”

9. People are tools to narcissists, not human beings. A narcissist sees no problem with using people to attain his objectives and does not care if he destroys others in the process because his needs, objectives or agenda are the only thing that matters. He is superior and everyone else is here to serve him, the legend in his own mind. The God complex illustrates why physical contact rather than long-distance relationships are needed. This type of behavior surfaces through interaction with others, specifically family and friends. If you are not there, you won’t see it.

Your Options

So what can you do if you find yourself involved with a narcissistic personality? If dating and not married or employed in a situation where you are required to work with someone like this in close cooperation, run, leave and do whatever you can to limit contact and distance yourself from this person. You cannot fix a narcissist and the nature of their disorder prevents them from fixing themselves. The emotional cost to you is not worth it. A narcissist cannot love you and cannot receive love for love’s sake. They think differently than you and me. Stay with a narcissist and you will spend the rest of your life, unfulfilled, snatching scraps of attention and rationalizing while the rest of your energy squanders setting right the escalating damage the narcissist leaves in his/her wake.

If married and you’ve had children with this person, once you’ve determined you are dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder, your primary responsibility is the children. The cost to them and their self-esteem on a daily basis can produce issues that last a lifetime. If divorce isn’t an option, counseling is a must. The children need to learn how to deal with this disorder without undermining their self-worth. Parental approval and recognition means a lot to children and the withholding of it or attaching conditions to it causes extreme confusion and angst. Children need to learn that though they express love, this person is sick and cannot, but this is no reflection on the quality of their love or being. Children brought up by a narcissistic parent often find themselves chasing poor relationships because this is the only definition of love they know, that which is given and never returned. As the healthy parent, you have the ability to prevent a lifetime of heartache once you realize this is the cause.

By far, the best way to deal with persons with NPD is not to deal with them. If avoidance is not possible, limiting exposure is essential for your health, sanity and the health and sanity of those around you.