One of the key techniques which affect the whole of your being is one that concerns the eyes. Although the eyes have long been thought to have magical properties, we have tended to forget this in the modern world.

The eyes affect not only outer vision, but also inner vision. You can tell a person’s emotions simply by looking at their eyes. In grief, the eyes look down. In fear they flit and move searching for danger. In anger they fix and pierce the object of anger.

Tense eyes sometimes cause and always escalate mental moods and feelings. By becoming aware of the way your eyes work to affect your emotions, enables you to concentrate on your emotions and control them through your eyes.

Mentally command your eyes to relax. Mentally say, ‘Relax!’ Yes, that’s it. ‘Relax!’ Make them blank. Blank out all eye tension. Imagine seeing, in your mind’s eye, your eyes being blank, deadpan, lifeless, inscrutable and unresponsive – so relaxed they are almost asleep. So wooden they are like a heavy log, without tension and totally unresponsive. How can you react emotionally with those unresponsive, sleepy eyes. No response at all!

Now do you notice how your thoughts and your body follow suit? How you begin to think, ‘I’m not interested in this.’, ‘This doesn’t affect me at all.’ How your body begins to relax all on its own, and in some strange way, you let go and release whatever it was that held your attention in that unwanted way? Be sure you avoid thinking in this way, because it will happen naturally and automatically, without even trying? Have you noticed this?

When your eyes are in this state they cannot cause or escalate emotions like anger, fear, panic, turbulence, etc. They turn off these unwanted emotions. By starting with the physical eyes, and blanking them out, you find that your thoughts follow automatically and so do your emotions.

Do remember that unwanted emotions can also be pleasant. You can use the same technique. How can, for example, a cream cake be so enticing through these blanked out, deadpan, lifeless, inscrutable eyes? So sleepy, and so uninterested!

Whenever you begin to feel tense, whether this is an unpleasant feeling, or a pleasant feeling of excitement you do not want, then begin by relaxing your eyes

• You will feel physically relaxed
• You will feel mentally relaxed
• You will be at peace, with a tranquil mind

When your eyes are relaxed, your mind will become calm. Sometimes, you might pay attention to your breathing and breath slowly, slowly, in a deep relaxed way. At least to check you aren’t holding your breath!

You might also look mentally over your body and when you notice a part which is tense then consciously relax it. You might overlook the way you are sitting and the tension this is causing. Scan your body from head to toe and relax all the parts which are tense. Then concentrate on calming your eyes. In this way you do the opposite of escalation, and bring your whole being into a state of peace and tranquillity.

So:

1. Relax, blank-out, your eyes
2. Breath in fully, and out with a relaxing sigh.
3. Relax your body
4. Repeat the above to maintain a state of tranquillity.

The most important part of this technique is to relax, blank-out your eyes.

Source

By Edwin Harkness Spina

Probably the most debilitating emotion that humans must confront is that of fear. Fear confuses. Fear paralyzes. Fear prevents you from thinking clearly, accessing your spiritual gifts and being who you truly are.

Fear is the anticipation of future pain. It’s been said that 90% of humans are motivated to avoid pain, while only 10% seek pleasure. It’s no surprise that we suffer from fear. We’ve been trained to fear from an early age. Don’t play in traffic – fear of getting run over. Don’t talk to strangers – fear of being abducted. Don’t misbehave or Mommy won’t love you – fear of abandonment.

As we grow older, we learn new fears: Fear of not being loved. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not having enough. Fear of being unworthy or inadequate. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of being restricted. Fear of getting fired. Fear of being annihilated by nuclear-armed terrorists.

Every day, we are bombarded with new fear-based messages by advertisers, politicians and the media. It’s easy to understand why: Fearful people are easy to control.

Fear is one of humanity’s most primitive emotions, triggering the adrenaline rush associated with the fight or flight response to danger. In life-threatening situations, this is helpful, better preparing you to do battle or to escape. But in non-lethal situations, fear clouds judgment and encourages you to REACT – rather than carefully consider alternatives – thus ensuring a less than optimal response to your problem.

Even worse, attachment to fear inhibits your ability to tap into your innermost self. Connecting with your inner master requires you to be balanced and your brain hemispheres be in synch. Fear causes your brain to automatically return to its dominant side – logical or emotional – again, ensuring unbalanced input into solving your problem.

Fear is a low vibration, dense emotion. Clinging to this negative, energy-draining emotion guarantees you will be unable to transcend to higher states of consciousness, characterized by higher vibration emotions such as love, joy, peace and happiness. You can’t take your baggage to the higher worlds, so eliminating fear is critical.

All people, even warriors, have some degree of fear. What separates warriors from timid souls is not their inability to recognize danger. What makes some people warriors is their willingness to act in the face of fear. By repeated experience, warriors come to know that fear dissolves with conscious action.

Action has another benefit. It focuses you in the Now. By definition, fear is the anticipation of future pain, that is, in the future – not in the Now. Acting keeps you focused in the Now, which is how you reach higher states of consciousness – where time is malleable and fear does not exist.

As a 17-year old youth driving our family car with my new driver’s license, I remember being threatened by a crazed driver on a deserted highway. It happened so quickly, I had no time to become fearful. Everything began moving in slow motion, giving me time to observe the situation. I had a bigger car, more horsepower and, if need be, I could run him off the road. I accelerated and left him behind. Only years later did I realize that by acting in the Now, time had stretched to assist me.

Look at your life and observe where you are stuck. Likely the cause is fear, in some form or another.

Ask yourself: What is the worst thing that can happen to you if you act and confront your fears? Will you look foolish? Will your self image suffer? Will you be rejected?

Recognize that all of these fears are ego-based. Your true self is not affected by any of these consequences.

In addition to dissolving fear and placing you in the Now, consciously choosing a course of action will take the focus off of you and your ego, and places it on the task at hand.

So what to do? Begin simply by taking small steps. If you have a social anxiety disorder, you don’t start to conquer your fear by signing up to address the UN. You begin by attending a meeting of people that share your interests. You don’t even have to speak; just be there. If you immerse yourself in a subject that you love, you will lose yourself, you will have fun, and you will be in the Now, as you act or interact with others.

Remember, also, that failing to act will compound your problem. To protect your ego, you may come up with justifications for why you didn’t do anything. You may convince yourself it was prudent, smart, unimportant, wouldn’t matter, etc. Soon, you have convinced yourself that you did the ‘right’ thing. This makes it harder to act in the future. Recognize that it is your ego that is busy justifying your inaction, not your true self. It is a self-reinforcing, bad habit you are developing.

You can nip this habit in the bud by bringing conscious awareness to your problem and then acting. People that act in accord with their true self are not constrained by fear. They are not driven by their egos, and consequently are free to do what they like. These people are charismatic. They act from their innermost self. They are unconcerned with how others perceive them. They are not controlled by others. They are their own person, free to love and be loved.

The choice is yours. Love or Fear. Clarity or Confusion. Higher consciousness or stagnation. Eliminate fear by taking conscious action and being your true self.

To eliminate the underlying low-vibration energies that manifest as fear and stress, practice the program I developed, Energy Center Clearing, described below…

Edwin Harkness Spina is an award-winning author and speaker. Ed is dedicated to presenting practical mystical techniques to improve people’s lives and expand their minds. His workshops and seminars emphasize the practical application of these techniques to help others manifest their dreams.

These videos have been broken up into over 30 video segments, all of which can be watched on YouTube or from SAI.

The first videos start with the person telling about their experiences when they had social anxiety and what life was like.  As they progress, they begin to tell you what they did to overcome social anxiety and how they did it, and what progress against social anxiety means.

Here’s Max:

Many times, introverts felt that something is wrong with them. This happens especially when they are in the middle of crowd, among the extroverts. Many people are saying that introverts are bad, while extroverts are good. The introverts have an advantage and they supposed to make use their uniqueness instead of resenting them.

Here are the eight reasons why introvert is OK!
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Guide your friends in appropriate action

By being aware of your symptoms, your friends can be educated about what a panic attack is. Tell them not to rush you to the hospital unless you describe symptoms that are different from your typical panic attack. Tell them that being reassuring during the experience generally is enough.

Here are some other pointers you might want to give:

• Don’t assume what I need, ask me.
• Let me pace my recovery, but encourage me to get help.
• Find something good in my achievements. When I overcome an obstacle (such as driving on the highway), make a big deal of it.
• Don’t let me avoid life. Help me take the baby steps to live life to its fullest.
• Don’t give up your own life to protect me. We only will grow to resent each other.
• Don’t panic when I panic. I need you to be confident that I will get through this.
• Don’t tell me to “Calm down” or “Get a grip on yourself.” If I could do that, don’t you think I would?

Panic disorder is a difficult problem for everyone involved. But, with care, patience and some help from your friends, you can overcome it.

Avoidant personality disorder (APD) is considered to be an active-detached personality pattern, meaning that avoidants purposefully avoid people due to fears of humiliation & rejection. It ís thought to be a pathological syndromal extension of the “normal inhibited” personality, which ís characterized by a watchful behavioral appearance, shy interpersonal conduct, a preoccupied cognitive style, uneasy affective expression & a lonely self-perception. According to this view, the avoidant pattern seems to range in varying degrees along a symptomological continuum from mild to extreme. In mild cases, a person may be said to be normally shy, whereas extreme cases indicate personality disorder.

Individuals with AvPD are “lonely loners.” They would like to be involved in relationships but cannot tolerate the feelings they get around other people. They feel unacceptable, incapable of being loved, and unable to change. Because they retreat from others in anticipation of rejection, they lead socially impoverished lives. They have immature and unrealistic expectations of relationships; they believe that they can have no imperfections if they are to be accepted and loved. Interpersonally, they are ill at ease, awkward and tense. They experience unremitting self-consciousness, self-contempt and anger toward others (Oldham, 1990, pp. 188-193).

Individuals with AvPD will develop intimacy with people who are experienced as safe. Nevertheless, they will often engage in triangular marital or quasi-marital relationships which provide intimacy while maintaining interpersonal distance. These individuals like to foster secret liaisons as a “fall-back” position in case the key relationship does not work out. As sexual partners and parents, people with AvPD appear self-involved and uncaring as they preserve distance from others through defensive restraint and withdrawal. Even so, these individuals long for affection and fantasize about idealized relationships.

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How to apply pressure

Firm pressure is the most fundamental technique. Use thumbs, fingers, palms, the side of the hand, or knuckles to apply steady, stationary pressure.

To relax an area or relieve pain, apply pressure gradually and hold without any movement for several minutes at a time. You can use prolonged finger pressure directly on the point; gradual, steady, penetrating pressure for approximately three minutes is ideal. Each point will feel somewhat different when you press it; some points feel tense, while others are often sore or ache when pressed.

How much pressure to apply to any point depends on how fit you are. A general guideline to follow is that the pressure should be firm enough so that it hurts a little. The more developed the muscles are, the more pressure you should apply. If you feel extreme sensitivity or pain, gradually decrease the pressure until you find a balance between pain and pleasure. Do not continue to press a point that is excruciatingly painful. Usually, however, if you firmly hold the point long enough (up to 2 minutes using the middle finger with your index and ring fingers on either side as support), the pain will diminish.

Note that sometimes when you hold a point, you’ll feel pain in another part of your body. This phenomenon is called referred pain and indicates that those areas are related.
It’s important to drink plenty of warm water after the massage, to help clear away toxic substances in our body.

By massaging these points,  you can tranquilize your mind and relieve mental distress.

Source 

The term “trichotillomania” comes from the Greek words “thrix,” meaning “hair” and “tillein” meaning “to pull” and “mania,” the Greek word for “madness” or “frenzy”. As the name suggests trichotillomania is a psychiatric condition in which an individual has an uncontrollable urge to pull out his or her own body hair. For people suffering from trichotillomania, hair pulling is more than a habit. It is rather a compulsive behavior, which the person finds very hard to stop. The cause of tricholomania is supposed to be the imbalance of chemicals in the human brain.People with trichotillomania pull their hair out of the root from places like the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or even the pubic area. Some people even pull handfuls of hair, which can leave bald patches on the scalp or eyebrows. Other people pull out their hair one strand at a time. Some inspect the strands after pulling them out or play with the hair after it’s been pulled. About half of people with this condition also have the habit of putting the plucked hair in mouth.

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Exposure Therapy is a cognitive behavioral therapy technique for reducing fear and anxiety responses, especially phobia. It is similar to Systematic desensitization, though it works more quickly and produces more robust results. It is also very closely related to Exposure and response prevention, a method widely used for the treatment of Obsessive-compulsive disorder. It based on the principles of habituation and cognitive dissonance.

To master something in life it is necessary first to think about it, and then actually practice doing it. Remember when you first started to learn how to drive. The more you practiced the better you became. This is the basis of exposure therapy. You actually need to go into the situation and think about it in a different way, implement the other skills and knowledge you have to mange your anxiety, and then reflect on how it went.

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New movie deals with the subject of social anxiety

Official Site

A girl, age 17, is invited to a dinner party at the home of her brother’s future in-laws, but the prospect fills her with such intense dread that she doesn’t think she can bear it. Although she knows it’s irrational, she can’t stand socializing with people she doesn’t know. She’s afraid they’ll think she’s stupid or incompetent. She tells her parents and brother that she can’t attend the party, but they become angry with her. They want to know why she often tries to wriggle out of attending social gatherings. Her parents insist that she have a consultation with a psychologist, and the therapist diagnoses social phobia.

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During times like ours, when pending war, a smallpox scare, suicide bombers, and snipers are the dramas that define our daily narratives, people who do not usually experience feelings of anxiety are being gripped by the sudden sensations of an accelerated heartbeat, a rise in blood pressure, a tightness in the chest, or excessive sweating. These feelings can sometimes have a deep psychological impact, where people are afraid to leave their homes for fear of “something bad happening,” or they have trouble sleeping or performing their jobs. At other times, anxiety coexists with mental health illnesses like depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse.

“Anxiety is mostly caused by two emotions: anger and sadness,” says Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., author of Conscious Breathing: Breathwork for Health, Stress Release, and Personal Mastery (Bantam, 1995). “People get anxious about not being able to control their anger or about not knowing how to deal with situations that make them sad. And that is what fear is—the inability to solve the problem that is making you angry or sad.”

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Diagnosing and Treating Panic Disorder

Panic disorder has both biological and psychological causes. Because the disorder runs in families, researchers are examining several genes that might contribute to its development.

Some experiments suggest that panic disorder is the result of a hypersensitivity to brain changes that transmit warning messages. In these experiments, panic attacks were induced in susceptible people with high doses of a stimulant like caffeine, which activates the sympathetic nervous system (a part of the autonomic nervous system). The sympathetic nervous system transmits signals to all parts of the body to prepare it for physical action, initiating the “fight-or-flight” response. It speeds heart rate, narrows blood vessels, and raises blood pressure.

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Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.

You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practice a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviors and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up. Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

Eye contact: The most important communication tool

Is your eye contact aggressive, is it soft, is it inviting, do you love with your eyes? Eye contact is a very tricky art to master but vital to effective communication. How can you make it better?

Eye contact provides social information to the person you are listening to and talking to. Too much eye contact and you could be seen as aggressive, too little eye contact and you can be seen as having no interest in the person speaking. It is an often overlooked skill to have and an under utilised skill when communicating with people. You can see masters of eye contact in great sales persons, politicians, and good public speakers.

I realised the importance of eye contact when I was counseling people face to face. I noticed when I broke eye contact the person would stop speaking. When I maintained eye contact the person would continue talking knowing that I was interested in what they had to say.

Physiological signs of eye contact

Street traders know the importance of the eyes when using their selling skills to keep their potential buyers interested. When you are aroused or interested in an object your pupils will dilate and this is a big cue for salesmen all over the world.

Also when you are interested in someone sexually your pupils will dilate and you hold the person’s gaze a little longer than normal. When I was single I always knew when a girl was interested in me through her eyes, now that I am married if I get the same signs I discourage eye contact.

Every day conversation and eye contact

We will use eye contact every day of our lives so it makes sense to learn the best ways to use your eyes to your advantage.

Certain situations demand different uses of the eyes. For example if your are arguing it is seen as strong if you can hold your gaze. If you are deferring to someone it is better to lower your eyes, if you are loving someone it is good to stare into the pool of the eyes.

6 Ways to improve your eye contact skills

1. Talking to a group – When talking to a group of people it is great to have direct contact with your listeners. However you contact maintain eye contact with just one person as this will stop the other members of the group from listening. To get past this, focus on a different member of the group with every new sentence. This way you are talking to all of the group and keeping them all interested.
2. Talking to an individual – It is great to maintain eye contact when talking to a person however it can become a bit creepy and uncomfortable if you stare intensely at them. To combat this, break eye contact every 5 seconds or so. When breaking the eye contact don’t look down as this might indicate the ending of your part of the conversation. Instead, look up or to the side as if your are remembering something. Try it just now: don’t move your head, and think about the first time you started school. You will notice your eyes might move up or to the side as you try to remember this. So when your listener sees this they will think you are trying to remember something and keep on listening to you.
3. Listening to someone – When you are listening to someone it can be off putting for the talker if you stare at them too hard. The technique I use when I am counseling someone is to use what I call ‘The triangle’. This is when I look at one eye for about 5 seconds, look at the other eye for 5 seconds and then look at the mouth for 5 seconds and keep on rotating in this way. This technique coupled with other listening skills such as nodding, occasional agreement words such as ‘yes’, ‘Uh –huh’ ‘mm’ etc is a great way to keep the talker talking and to show them you are interested in what they are saying.
4. Arguing – Arguing with someone is a skill in itself and if you want to compete in an argument holding the gaze shows strength. If you look away when arguing with someone you have all but lost the argument. Obviously this depends on who you are arguing with but in general it is better to hold the gaze whilst you are making your point and also when you are listening to the other person. We have all come across the person who is great at arguing and making you feel small, you will notice that everyone who is like this try to stare you out. Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put them off what they are trying to say. Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is also an affective way to win an argument without saying a word.
5. Attracting someone – When you are trying to attract someone and show them you are interested you can talk and listen with your eyes. When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your focal point. Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places. If you feel you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don’t smile when they have just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes (yes I did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone’s body language with your eyes).
6. Loving someone – My wife and I often share a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and it is a very special thing to just stare without talking. My wife’s pupils will dilate and she can my pupils dilating. It creates a strong bond between us. To make your pupils dilate even more you can try this: as you are staring at your partner imagine yourself going inside their body and your two souls making love. You are trying to touch their very soul. This will release adrenalin and make your pupils dilate even more.

Steven Aitchison