Shame can be a powerful force in our life. It is the trademark of
dysfunctional families.

Authentic, legitimate guilt is the feeling or thought that what we did
is not okay. It indicates that our behavior needs to be corrected or
altered, or an amend needs to be made.

Shame is an overwhelming negative sense that who we are isn’t okay.
Shame is a no-win situation. We can change our behaviors, but we
can’t change who we are. Shame can propel us deeper into
self-defeating and sometimes self-destructive behaviors.

What are the things that can cause us to feel shame? We may feel
ashamed when we have a problem or someone we love has a problem.
We may feel ashamed for making mistakes or for succeeding. Me may
feel ashamed about certain feelings and thoughts. We may feel
ashamed when we have fun, feel good, or are vulnerable enough to
show ourselves to others. Some of us feel ashamed just for being.

Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us
playing our part in dysfunctional systems. It is a spell many
of us have learned to put on ourselves.

Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life.
It’s okay to be who we are. We are good enough. Our feelings
are okay. Our past is okay. It’s okay to have problems,
make mistakes, and struggle to find our path. It’s okay to be
human and cherish our humanness.

Accepting ourselves is the first step toward recovery. Letting go
of shame about who we are is the next important step.