Self esteem is developed by feedback from other people
but clearly it is within ourselves. We know this because
all the compliments in the world will not increase our
self esteem if we think we don’t deserve it.

We will reject the compliment or laugh it off as a
mistake. People with low self esteem distort negative
aspects of their body, this is a way of projecting their
negative feelings more externally.

One part of us begins to dominate and we begin to think
things like “you know I would be handsome/attractive if
it were not for this gigantic nose or this horrible chin”.

People with poor self image tend to project those feelings
on one part of their body more than others.

It is what is referred to as the ‘deforming mirror’.

All of us see ourselves in a deforming mirror where we
don’t see ourselves as we truly are. Very few people have
an accurate image of their body and women in particular
see themselves as larger and fatter than they actually
look.

Men see themselves more realistically.

Why would women be more negative about their bodies?

In this instance at least it is because women rate their
bodies almost exclusively in terms of its attractiveness
whereas men are able to rate their bodies on its
attractiveness and its function - so if you looked like
Brad Pitt it would be wonderful but if not, at least its
strong - its almost as if men look at their bodies as
an instrument and women look at their bodies as an ornament.

Research does indicate that women are more critical
of their bodies than men - perhaps the influence of the
media has something to do with this - if we were only
to realise that the products being marketed to reduce
wrinkles and help us lose weight are selling hope to
all who buy.

The industries generate the need for hope, manufacture
the product and sell the hope.

There are a number of important changes we can make to
change our body image.

1. Dress for physical pleasure -

Stop scarring your body by wearing clothes that are too
small - “I’m going to fit into this size 12 even if it
kills me” and when you remove the size 12 your body
is scarred.

Wear clothes that are comfortable - if you feel good
you will feel better about yourself, hold yourself
more confidently and feel confident.

Try dressing differently - if you usually dress casually,
dress formal one day - show yourself that there are many
ways to look and feel good about yourself.

2. Look at the whole of your body and not just a
collection of parts.

Don’t reduce your identity to just one part - “I’m fine
if it were not for my ears”.

Focus on how you feel rather than on how you want to look.
Instead of I want to be thinner think “I want to be more
energetic or more mobile”.

Thinking I want to be thin is focussing on an ornament
- I want to be more energetic is focussing on an instrument
which is there to do something for us.

3. Listen to someone else’s opinion of you.

It is difficult to like your whole self as long as you are
going around criticising one part of yourself constantly.

Very few of us have an accurate picture of ourselves and
it is difficult to see a true picture.