You are unique.I am unique.Every one of us is unique.Sure, we have much in common just by the fact that we are all human beings. And overall we share common emotional chords and psychological reactions. But we are not the same. Your strength might be my weakness. Your like might be my dislike. Your friend might be my enemy.One thing we all share is the tremendous pressure to conform. It has always been this way, and it is not just Western society. Take a close look at most societies and watch how conformist they are. It is simply human nature at work. To a great degree, we need to conform. We need to fit in. After all, human beings are social animals.

But most of us take it too far. We move past a desire to fit in and tumble right into anxiety over being different. Nowhere is this more obvious than when we see skinny women trying to lose weight and look like the anorexia-driven models on TV.

Or by people who fret over how they look or what they are wearing before going out to dinner. If we show up at an event “under-dressed”, most of us will feel self-conscious. But a happy person should not feel too out of place. If we show up “overdressed”, most of us would probably feel just a touch out of place, but not overly. If we show up at an event “undressed” … OK, that’s when you need to feel really self-conscious.

Again, let me stress that this is not a black and white issue. It is normal and even healthy to want to fit in (although, as you will read in Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness, eccentrics tend to score higher than conformists on happiness scales), but it is not healthy to WORRY about fitting in. It is not healthy to feel like our differences from others or from some projected image makes us substandard in any way.

What we need are personal cheerleaders to build our self-esteem. And we are in luck. Check out the special announcement below.

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?? QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF ??

Do I really like the person I see in the mirror? Do I really accept what I appear to be?

If I show up at an event “over dressed” or “under-dressed”, how out of place do I feel?

To what extent do I allow myself to be me, and to what extent do I let others or society define who I am (or who I feel I should be)?

Do I have any eccentricities? Should I develop any?
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FOUR PRACTICAL TIPS for building self-esteem

1. How about placing a sign on the mirror: “Hail wonderful me!”. You’ll see a whole new image of yourself.

2. Make a conscious decision on what areas of life, or even on what details, you will compromise to feel like you fit in or to gain acceptance, and on which areas or details you really must be yourself to, well, be yourself.

3. If you find yourself making comparisons to impossibly skinny models, impossibly rich tycoons or impossibly witty comedians — and your self-esteem is squirming — try comparing yourself to Howard Stern instead.

4. Try wearing something just a little outrageous, either on yourself or your home.
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“Nobody can be just like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.” –Tallulah Bankhead
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