1. Support from a lover/spouse
2. Support from a group of people/friends
3. Assurance of worth from others
4. Reliable support
5. Guidance and support from a higher figure
6. Opportunity of nurturance
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The Problem of Anger

Anger seems to be a pervasive emotion. Doctors meet up with angry patients regularly. Pastors and counselors encounter angry people trying to deal with personal problems or problems in the family and at work. Parents and teachers see children who seem angry at their siblings, angry at the system, angry at their parents, or angry for no particular reason. Yet, the problem of anger often goes unaddressed, and it seldom just goes away.

Is Anger Harmful?

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There are seven steps in the treatment for perfectionism proposed by Burns:
(1) list advantages and disadvantages of striving to be perfect, which should encourage the person to give it up,
(2) rate the expected and then the actual satisfaction with several activities, which will show the person that he/she doesn’t have to be perfect to enjoy an activity,
(3) try for an entire day to rate many things as either perfect or not perfect, proving to the rater that the world isn’t black (imperfect) or white (perfect) although he/she may think that way,
(4) record for a day each self-critical thought and consider what would be a more reasonable and self-tolerant viewpoint,
(5) design an experiment to test the idea that people won’t respect you if you are not successful (actually many will like you better when you mess up occasionally and admit it),
(6) learn to handle criticism by role playing that situation (see chapter 13), and
(7) experiment with different standards, i.e. try for an “average” meal, a “below average” essay answer, a “poor” appearance one day and “a little above average” the next, etc. Bring a little variety into your life, not just perfect, perfect, perfect… Loosen up, it’s usually more relaxed and fun that way.

I have the right to ask for what I want
I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet
I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect
I have the right to follow my own values and standards
I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values
I have the right to determine my own priorities
I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings, or problems
I have the right to expect honesty from others
I have the right to be angry at someone I love
I have the right to be uniquely myself
I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid”
I have the right to say “I don’t know”
I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior
I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings
I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time
I have the right to be playful and frivolous
I have the right to be healthier than those around me
I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment
I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people
I have the right to change and grow
I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others
I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect
I have the right to be happy