Introverts walk around with lots of thoughts and feelings in their heads. They are mulling–comparing old and new experiences. They often have an ongoing dialogue with themselves. Since this is such a familiar experience, they may not even realize that other minds work in different ways. Some introverts aren’t even aware that they think so much, or that they need time for ideas or solutions to “pop” into their heads. They need to reach back into long-term memory to locate information. This requires reflection time without pressure. They also need to give themselves physical space to let their feelings impressions bubble up. During REM sleep or while dreaming, this pathway integrates daily experiences and stores them in long-term memory, where they are filed in many areas of the brain. Introverts are in a constant distilling process that requires lots of “innergy.”
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Introvert Brain-Body Circuits
The fact that introverts’ brains are buzzing means that innies are likely to:
- Reduce eye contact when speaking to focus on collecting words and thoughts; increase eye contact when listening to take in information.
- Surprise others with their wealth of information
- Shy away from too much attention or focus
- Appear glazed, dazed, or zoned out when stressed, tired, or in groups
- May start talking in the middle of a thought, which can confuse others
- Have a good memory but take a long time to retrieve memories
- Can forget things they know very well–might stumble around when explaining their job or temporarily forget a word they want to use
- May think they told you something when they just have thought it
- May have trouble getting motivated or moving, might appear lazy
- May be slow to react under stress
- May have a calm or reserved manner; may walk, talk, or eat slowly
- May need to regulate protein intake and body temperature
- Must have breaks to restore energy

Extrovert Brain-Body Circuits
The fact that extroverts’ brains are constantly seeking new input means that outies are likely to:
- Crave outside stimulation; dislike being alone too long
- Increase eye contact when speaking to take in others reactions; decrease eye contact when listening to notice what’s happening in the environment
- Enjoy talking–and be skilled at it; feel energized by attention or the limelight
- Shoot from the lip, and talk more than listen
- Have a good short-term memory that allows quick thinking
- Do well on timed tests or under pressure
- Feel invigorated by discussion, novelty, experiences
- Make social chitchat easily and fluidly
- Act quick under stress
- Enjoy moving their bodies and exercising
- Have high energy levels, not need to eat as often
- Be uncomfortable if they have nothing to do
- Slow down or burn out in mid-life
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Introverts do not all think alike. Introverts, who are more right-brained process information, use language, and intuit in a way that’s quit unlike left-brained introverts. Left-brained introverts may feel more comfortable speaking in public than right-brained introverts. If you are more right-brained, you may tend to:
- Be playful in solving problems
- Respond to events with emotion
- Interpret body language easily
- Have a good sense of humor
- Process information subjectively
- Improvise
- Use metaphors and analogies when describing something
- Deal with several problems at once

- Use hands a lot in conversation
- Notice patterns and think in pictures
- See solutions as approximate and evolving
- Not realize all that you know

If you are more left-brained, you may tend to:
- Analyze pros and cons before taking action
- Be neat and tidy
- Base decisions on facts, not on sentimentality
- Give concrete examples when describing something
- Think in terms of right and wrong; good and bad
- Process experiences objectively
- Be keenly aware of time
- Proceed one step at a time
- Not pick up social cues easily
- Like to categorize
- Be idea-oriented
- Be comfortable with words and numbers
- Seek exact solutions
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Relationships: Innie female with outie male: When opposites attract
Advantages
- The female partner listens to the male
- The male partner encourages the female to be active and social
- She has more freedom because her partner makes few demands on her time
- He has more personal autonomy because his partner enjoys her time alone
Challenges
- The male partner often lacks intimacy skills
- The female partner may not talk about her thoughts and feelings
- He may blame her for all the failures in the relationship; she may accept the blame or ignore it
- She may have trouble asking directly for what she wants
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The Introvert’s Communication Style
Introverts tend to
- Keep energy, enthusiasm, and excitement to themselves and share only with those they know very well. Hesitate before sharing personal information with others.
- Need time to think before responding. Need time to reflect before reacting to outside events
- Prefer communicating one-to-one
- Need to be drawn out or invited to speak, and may prefer written to verbal communication
- May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t (they’re always going over things in their head)

How To Talk To Your Introverted Partner
- Make a date to discuss how the 2 of you can get along better. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
- Don’t interrupt–it takes energy for introverts to start talking again.
- Count to five and think before you speak–an introvert will remember what you say.
- Repeat what you heard your partner saying so that you make it clear you were listening. Ask her or him if your summation is correct.
- Learn how to sit quietly sometimes in your partner’s presence. Remember, he or she may have depleted energy but still wants to be with you.
- Your partner is a good listener, but be sure he or she gets a turn to talk.
- Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts can take in written words with less overstimulation. Leave a card by the phone, put a note in his or her lunch container, suitcase, briefcase, pocket, or on his or her pillow.
- Enjoy pauses. Take some deep breaths and enjoy just sitting. Experience being alone together. Share your partner’s space.
- Acknowledge how much energy it takes for your partner to talk at times; express how much you appreciate it.
- Use nonverbal communication–for example, blow kisses to your partner, wink at him or her in a crowd, hold hands, give hugs.
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Many introverts tend to foreshadow. They think ahead about what could go wrong, or they remember how tired they felt the last time they went out. This can add to apprehension about social occasions.
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