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Naughty or Nice?
|Who Am I?||
I know I’m a strong and stubborn person. One can get in the way of the other. I always wanted to dig deeper into the picture than what was told to me. I think thas a good attribute. If my parents told me one thing I HAD to see it for myself. In the word stubborn I see determined. …so let’s change my verbiage. I’m a strong and determined person. Yeah that sounds better. Some ppl make me feel too strong though. Like I won’t shed a tear, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t need a man ever… just straight up hardcore and bitter. Actually, baby bro pointed that out today (tha hardcore part). I said somethin (don’t remember) and he started to say “well..maybe u need to change ur image.” I thought he meant I wasn’t girly enough but I don’t know what tha hell he meant by that. Over tha years he’s said alot of stuff to that effect. I come from a family of strong women and I don’t know any other way to be, so imma do me. I can’t help but think that I intimidate some ppl, particulary men. And what i got from “be more girly” is to dress like C. I’ll be damned if i look like I’m goin to the club at any momment or if I show so much clevage and wear tight shit cuz that’s not tha way I wanna be looked at. Dudes gockin at me and thinkin of me as a piece of ass doesn’t exactly make me feel more girly but whateva floats ya boat. I do think that u present a certain image to ppl that u want them to see. I guess I want ppl to think of me that way (strong). Who knows?
In most situations, if I know u and am comfortable with u, I’m a koo person to be around. Just today I had tha crew on the phone takin those quizzes with me. We found them interesting and wanted to see if the results rang some kind of truth. Most did and some didn’t but it was still fun. I’m always doin shit like that. I love to see how other ppl think as if I were some kind of psychologist. Seein how ppl think/react to certain things lets me know what kind of person u are. I’m glad I have so many opinionated and open-minded ppl around me. My professor said once that u make friends based on what u wanna be or u take from them an attribute that u wanna have. All of my friends are outgoin, down-to-earth, chill ppl and always have been. What do they wanna take from me?
I thought about becomin a psychologist once. I think it’d be a koo job since I do that kind of stuff anyways. I used to always have somebody comin to me askin what should they do. I’m a good listener. Always koo to talk with even if I don’t say much. I say what I need to say and try to be straight to the point about what I think. But this is not always true. Sometimes I’m so scared to hurt ppl’s feelings by tellin them the truth… (more on that another day).
I’m a go-with-the-flow type of person. “U wanna go with me?” sure..lemme throw on some clothes, I’ll be right there. That was the usual conversation… “U should try this…” aight..i’ll do it. But don’t get me wrong, I know my boundaries.
Artsy can be a word to describe me as well. I’m into poetry, art, humanities, neo-soul stuffs, nature…shit like that. I haven’t really explored it though. I tend to be a daydreamer. I have some wild ass thoughts. I don’t know if anybody else thinks tha way i do (I really think it’s just me) but I set most thoughts up in scenarios. Say I’m feelin a lil talkative but nobody’s around. I’ll solve that by thinkin about a situation where i can talk. I’ll imagine talkin on tha phone and think about their responses, my responses, if i wanna share that in reality, and what my convo meant. More often if I’m havin a problem I’ll map it out. If I did this, then this could happen. I’ll go through all the scenarios I can think of and come up with the one I actually end up doin. Sometimes I’ll do more fantasy type stuff. Say I’m in tha passenger seat of a car and we roll up to a stop light. A guy pulls up to the stop light right next to me. I’ll set up another situation. What if he rolled down his window and said this? I would say this and this would happen. That keeps me busy for hours upon hours. Did it for 8 hrs once. I’m just a visual person.
I’m a stern (?) person. My homegurl just made a comment the other day that I look like I’m always ready to beat a bitch’s ass…lol. I’ve been told that before. That’s hardly the case. I don’t go around lookin for any more drama than I have to. Damn… ALOT of ppl told me that though. I think it’s the eyebrows..lol. Momma says I need bangs or somethin. She said they make me look cute. I think they make me look like a 5 yr old but since I already look 16, might as well go all the way and look really young so I can pull those 11 y/o suga daddies. Naw but I don’t know why I look mad most of the time. I know that sometimes when I think, I guess I frown up. I can be thinkin about puffy clouds and puppies and somebody will say “U were in a deep thought huh?”..I gotta do somethin about that deep thinkin expression on my face. They probably thought I was thinkin about glock 9s and tha fate of the world or somethin..lol. Couldn’t be more false. (talkin on tha phone to homeboy) He said that it’s so sad that alot of ppl didn’t get to know the real me. They only got a certain part of me (what i thought u wanted to see) and I leave tha rest up to u. If u wanted to know more, I would try show u more. It IS sad that ppl don’t know my range. And I know for certain that I missed out on opportunities because I’m like that. But Imma be honest, I’m not changin that quality. If u wanna know more, lemme know.
That’s my thinkin.
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