Positive thinking is so firmly enshrined in our culture that knocking it is a little like attacking motherhood or apple pie. Many persons swear by positive thinking and quite a few have been helped by it. Nevertheless, it is not a very effective tool and can be downright harmful in some cases. There are much better ways to get the benefits that positive thinking allegedly provides.

Perhaps the statement that best exemplifies positive thinking is “When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.” It seems so self-evident that this is a good thing that we never question the wisdom of the adage. But it does not take a whole lot of digging to unearth the flaws in this reasoning.

First, did fate really hand you a lemon or was this merely your initial, unthinking response? Second, is a lemon really a bad thing, something that you would rather not have, but now that you do have it you will somehow salvage something by making lemonade? Finally, it is quite stressful to be handed a lemon until such time as you figure out how to make lemonade. Do you really have to go through this phase?

No matter what happens to us in life we tend to think of it as “good” or “bad”. And most of us tend to use the “bad” label three to ten times as often as the “good” label. And when we say something is bad, the odds grow overwhelming that we will experience it as such. And that is when we need positive thinking. We have been given something bad, a real lemon, and we better scramble and make some lemonade out of it and salvage something out of this “bad” situation.

How tiring and tiresome!

Now think back on your own life. Can you recall instances of something that you initially thought was a bad thing that turned out to be not so bad after all or perhaps even a spectacularly good thing? Like the time you just missed a train and had to wait a whole hour for the next one and it was horrible except that your neighbor also missed it so you talked for the first time and a beautiful friendship developed. You will find many instances in your life, some of them very significant such as the job you desperately wanted but didn’t get only to find that a much better one came by and you would not have been able to accept it if not for the earlier rejection.

Now lets propose something radical and revolutionary. Lets propose that, no matter what happens to you, you do not stick a bad thing label on it. No matter what. You are fired from your job…your mortgage lender sends you a foreclosure notice . . . your spouse files for divorce . . . or whatever. This seems so far-fetched as to be laughable. Of course these are horrible tragedies and terrible things to happen. Or are they? Is it possible, just possible, that you have been conditioned to think of these happenings as unspeakable tragedies and hence experience them as such?

Viktor Frankl in his book Man’s Search for Meaning narrates the tale of the beautiful girl of privilege who was grateful to be in a concentration camp because she was able to connect with a spiritual side of her that she never knew existed. Observations like this led Frankl into his life’s work of determining why, when faced with extreme adversity, some persons positively flourish while others disintegrate.

Many who rise so triumphantly never label what they go through as bad and lament over it. They simply take it as a given as if they were a civil engineer surveying the landscape through which a road is to be built. In this view, a swamp is not a bad thing. It is merely something that has to be addressed in the construction plan.

And if you never label something as bad, then you don’t need positive thinking and all of the stress associated with getting something bad and experiencing it as such till you figure out how to make lemonade out of it simply goes away.

That is the huge pebble in the positive thinking shoe. “This is bad. Really bad. It’s a lemon. But somehow I will make some lemonade out of it and then perhaps it won’t be so bad.” First you think its bad and then you think you will somehow make it less bad and there is a strong undercurrent that you are playing games and kidding yourself. Some people succeed. Many don’t. And those who don’t are devastated that the model they were trying so hard to build caved in on them. That’s why positive thinking can sometimes be harmful.

Can you actually go through life without labeling what happens to you as good or bad? Sure you can. You have to train yourself to do this. You have been conditioned to think of things as bad or good. You can de-condition yourself. It is neither easy nor fast but it is possible.

Lets say you break your leg. There is stuff you have to do like go to an orthopedist and get it set and go to therapy when the cast comes off. But all the rest of the stuff you pick up “Why did this have to happen to me? Bad things always come my way. I am in such pain. Who will hold the world up now that I am disabled?” is simply baggage. You don’t have to pick up this load and the only reason you do is because you were never told that you didn’t have to.

I am telling you now. Don’t pick up that useless burden. Don’t label what happens to you as bad. Then you won’t need positive thinking and much of the stress in your life will simply disappear. Poof! Just like that.

The Awakening
(Author unknown)

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

This super soft, portable penis looking thing, which is actually a germ-resistant medical grade silicone. This is something you want to try at home over the toilet before you actually NEED to use this.  It comes with tissue; easy to clean and also comes with a mini-bag to put in until you get a chance to wash it out.

It was originally developed by an oral surgeon and medical device expert from Minnesota. It was created for general convenience and as an option for women with hip and knee surgeries and other conditions.

These types of things have been used in Europe for years, so it’s about time we had this luxury in the States. If you’re an active woman always on the go, loves outdoor activities, and road trips this device is for you.

Pros: Portable, small, easy to use, not messy at all, good price, high quality, comes with tissue and a little baggy, and fun to use!

Cons: difficult to find, most likely you have to order online depending on the area you live

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Found this great tutorial that shows you how to make a screenprinting press for under $10.

Link

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Recently, the The Food and Drug Administration restated via its Web site that gay men are still banned from donating blood because of the risk of HIV/AIDS. Before giving blood, all men are asked if they have had sex, even once, with another man since 1977. If they happen to answer yes, they will be permanently banned from giving blood.

The ban was established in 1983, during the beginning of  the epidemic. Twenty-seven years later, the ban has been reiterated, and on what premise does the FDA have to maintain this ban? None. In fact, all this ban signifies is the stigma America still attaches to homosexual men and AIDS, one that is not supported by facts, but rather biased perceptions of the LGBTQ community. The FDA maintains that this policy is not discriminatory, though  last time I checked, excluding people based on sexual orientation is considered discrimination.

The fact that the FDA has not banned (God forbid) black women from giving blood is quite interesting considering the fact that African American women make up over half of the new HIV/AIDS cases in the U.S. So why is it that the FDA is so intent on focusing on the gay population and not the black female population? Because of its need for exclusion. I doubt anyone is terribly anxious to donate their blood, but knowing that you couldn’t even if you wanted to reinforces the fact that you are still a second-class citizen in this country. When giving blood, the blood supposedly goes through several rigorous tests to ensure that the blood is uncontaminated and blemish-free. If this is the case, there is no need for this ban; it is biased and unfounded. Next, they may start requiring us to disclose how many sexual partners we have had. I wonder which number would be the limit.

Regardless of whether you identify as gay, lesbian, heterosexual, anti-gay, asexual, etc., this ban is relevant to all of us because it represents the stagnancy of this country when it comes to granting liberties for all people. We have made a significant amount of progress as a nation, but obviously we still have a quite a journey ahead of us, and racial discrimination is not the only hurdle we have to conquer. –constance collins

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In the last few years, psychologists and researchers have been digging up hard data on a question previously left to philosophers: What makes us happy? Researchers like the father-son team Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, and ethicist Stephen Post have studied people all over the world to find out how things like money, attitude, culture, memory, health, altruism, and our day-to-day habits affect our well-being. The emerging field of positive psychology is bursting with new findings that suggest your actions can have a significant effect on your happiness and satisfaction with life. Here are 10 scientifically proven strategies for getting happy.
		Savor Everyday MomentsPause now and then to smell a rose or watch children at play. Study participants who took time to “savor” ordinary events that they normally hurried through, or to think back on pleasant moments from their day, “showed significant increases in happiness and reductions in depression,” says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky.
		Avoid ComparisonsWhile keeping up with the Joneses is part of American culture, comparing ourselves with others can be damaging to happiness and self-esteem. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, focusing on our own personal achievement leads to greater satisfaction, according to Lyubomirsky.
		Put Money Low on the ListPeople who put money high on their priority list are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, according to researchers Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan. Their findings hold true across nations and cultures. “The more we seek satisfactions in material goods, the less we find them there,” Ryan says. “The satisfaction has a short half-life—it’s very fleeting.” Money-seekers also score lower on tests of vitality and self-actualization.
		Have Meaningful Goals“People who strive for something significant, whether it’s learning a new craft or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations,” say Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener. “As humans, we actually require a sense of meaning to thrive.” Harvard’s resident happiness professor, Tal Ben-Shahar, agrees, “Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable.”
		Take Initiative at WorkHow happy you are at work depends in part on how much initiative you take. Researcher Amy Wrzesniewski says that when we express creativity, help others, suggest improvements, or do additional tasks on the job, we make our work more rewarding and feel more in control.
		Make Friends, Treasure FamilyHappier people tend to have good families, friends, and supportive relationships, say Diener and Biswas-Diener. But it’s not enough to be the life of the party if you’re surrounded by shallow acquaintances. “We don’t just need relationships, we need close ones” that involve understanding and caring.
		Smile Even When You Don’t Feel Like ItIt sounds simple, but it works. “Happy people…see possibilities, opportunities, and success. When they think of the future, they are optimistic, and when they review the past, they tend to savor the high points,” say Diener and Biswas-Diener. Even if you weren’t born looking at the glass as half-full, with practice, a positive outlook can become a habit.
		Say Thank You Like You Mean ItPeople who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals, according to author Robert Emmons. Research by Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, revealed that people who write “gratitude letters” to someone who made a difference in their lives score higher on happiness, and lower on depression—and the effect lasts for weeks.
		Get Out and ExerciseA Duke University study shows that exercise may be just as effective as drugs in treating depression, without all the side effects and expense. Other research shows that in addition to health benefits, regular exercise offers a sense of accomplishment and opportunity for social interaction, releases feel-good endorphins, and boosts self-esteem.
		Give It Away, Give It Away Now!Make altruism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Researcher Stephen Post says helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a “helper’s high,” and you get more health benefits than you would from exercise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others’ successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness, he says. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves.

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I-Playaz is from a collection of toys featuring rappers Chub C. and Hype from Chub City. Officially licensed by Volkswagen and marketed as an iPod-ready speaker for kids, the I-Playaz ‘59 Volkswagen Beetle (available in red or blue) plays music through an integrated speaker, and “moves and jams to the beat with interactive lights and sounds.” Four AA batteries provide power for the little car, which has its motion activated or deactivated by a press of the front Volkswagen seal; the headlights, taillights and windows flash with colored lights, the wheels are rotating spinners, and the car’s body pops up and shakes. There’s a sampled track built in for when your iPod’s not connected; a small audio cable is included, while the batteries aren’t.

Jada Chub City i-Playaz Character

From the curiosity shop

Whether you’re designing a new garden or want to revamp an old one, gardening projects require a lot of planning.

If you want your garden to be a horticultural haven, use calm and subtle colors in all aspects of your garden. Pastel shades work best, particularly when planted in ‘drifts’ of colour.

Don’t be afraid to have a go at making your own garden ornaments. Something as simple as a sundial or a birdbath can add the personal touch to your garden. Try your local salvage yard for interesting materials.

If you need inspiration for garden designs; have a look at these designs. The right landscaping ideas and container gardening combinations can make your backyard an inviting retreat.

Urban Basement Garden

Sogo Garden

(Designer: Lizzie Taylor & Dawn Issac)

Float Garden

(Designer: by Jack Merlo)

Cocoon Garden

(Designer: by Jack Merlo)

Moss Garden

(Designer: by Jack Merlo)

Roof Garden

Design From Auckland Botanical Gardens

Blue Stick Garden

Mediterranean-style courtyard

Garden Designs From Chelsea Flower Shows

(Designer: Andy Sturgeon)

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Zarcero, Costa Rica

Zarcero’s fresh, spring-like air and high-altitude temperatures are a wonderful respite from the tropical Costa Rican heat.

Located along the northern edge of the Central Valley, the small town is known for its crisp climate and dramatic mountain landscapes. Culinary connoisseurs will love the area’s local produce, much of which is organically farmed. Vine-ripened tomatoes, fresh basil, and savory cheese (locally known as queso palmito) are some of the district’s distinct delicacies. Fresh sour cream, sweet buns, and a sugary treat of crystallized grapefruits filled with a creamy condensed milk round out the town’s notable gastronomic delights.

Without a doubt, Zarcero’s most popular attraction is its surreal topiary gardens. Wavy arches carved from conifer cypress invite visitors to explore artist-landscaper Evangelisto Blanco’s latest inventions. Here, spectators are given a rare opportunity to step through the looking glass. Shrubs and trees manifest as dancing animals, stylized creatures and other unique abstractions.

Somehow I stumbled upon this…

Black Barbie

Ostlie’s site, Tabloach Productions is a showcase of her work. Fair and freckled dolls sit next to dolls modeled after real women – like pop star, Brandy. Ostlie has even reworked Skipper – Barbie’s long-neglected kid sister.

I want this one!